Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination while other think that there are more important factors such as money and apperance. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Nowadays, most people believe that being successful is when they achieve
determination
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
their workplace. Meanwhile, others think that
success
comes from being rich and having good looks.
This
writer thinks that each people have a specific
determination
,and definition and will discuss both views in the following essay. On the one hand, some people are passionate about becoming a part of a specific job in the future.
Therefore
, they form a
determination
when they were a child, so achieving hard
work
is the major
success
in their life.
For instance
, some individuals presume that no matter how hard the
work
is, only if they can do the
work
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the exhaustion will disappear.
Thus
, the aim in the workplace still is a crucial element.
However
, there are certain other fields where gook looks or wealth can help a person succeed. In show business,
for example
, attractive looks play a huge role. Good looks are extremely important for someone who wants to be an actor or presentation of some show. Money can help someone buy
success
. Rich kids often get to study at ivy colleges even if they are not particularly brilliant. the connections they make there help them achieve
success
more easily. In conclusion, in some sectors both factors are important .
Moreover
, I think hard
work
and
determination
are still a good way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Focus on enhancing the clarity of your introduction by presenting a clear thesis statement expressing your opinion on the argument more directly. This will provide a stronger foundation for your essay and ensure readers understand your stance from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Develop each paragraph with more specific and detailed examples to fully support your arguments and ideas. The use of specific examples greatly enriches your essay and makes your arguments more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases effectively to link sentences and paragraphs, making your essay more coherent and easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to your essay's structural aspects, such as proper paragraphing and the clear division between introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should discuss one main idea and be clearly distinguishable from the others.
General Advice
Revise your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to improve its overall readability and professional appearance. Paying attention to details can significantly enhance the quality of your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: