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Band 5

International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should therefore be restricted.Do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #impact #environment
Travelling through
air
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the air
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 is one of the quickest
way
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ways
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 to reach other countries. Some say that
air
 travel has
great
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a great
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 impact towards the
environment
 whilst others disagree
on
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with
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 it.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, I believe that
flights
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flight
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 affects the
environment
 through high carbon
emission
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emissions
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 and it
also
 stops
the
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apply
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bird migration
due to
 the the radiation.
Firstly
, preserving
environment
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the environment
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 is a
responibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of each and every human being on
this
 planet. The carbon
emission
 from planes
stimulate
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stimulates
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air
 pollution, which has adverse
effect
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effects
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 on human beings and other living beings
on
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in
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this
 world. To illustrate, an
emission
 from an aeroplane has
direct
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a direct
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 impact on clouds which results
ozone
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in ozone
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damaging
Wrong verb form
damage
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.
In addition
,
this
 leads to global warming which poses an immense threat to the world.
Finally
,
birds
 are the best farmers in the world. The radiation emitted from a plane causes a disturbance in migrating
birds
,
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apply
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 since
birds
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birds'
bird's
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 navigation systems are based on sonic waves
other
Correct word choice
and other
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 natural phenomena.
For instance
, in my
hometown
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hometown,
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 there is a bird sanctuary where
birds
 get
migrated
Wrong verb form
migrate
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 every summer, ever since there was an
air field
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airfield
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 constructed in my hometown there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a drastic decrease in
the
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apply
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migration.
Apart from
this
,
birds
such
 as
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falcons
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falcon
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falcons
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 and
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eagles
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eagle
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eagles
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 often get killed by the engines of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
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apply
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aeroplanes,
this
 not only kills the bird it
also
 damages the engines which leads to
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apply
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a
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apply
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catastrophic
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accident
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accidents
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accident
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.
To conclude
, international travel is essential for
a nations growth
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the growth of a nation
a nation's growth
show examples
. I strongly believe that
,
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apply
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 it is a menace towards the
environment
due to
it's
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its
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 high
emission
 of carbon and creates
a
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apply
show examples
difficulty for
birds
Fix the agreement mistake
bird
show examples
 migration
due to
 the immense radiation emitted from the planes.
Submitted by gokulrambes on

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task achievement
Be sure your introduction clearly states your stance on the topic and provides a brief overview of the points you will discuss. Your introduction could be clearer in highlighting the main arguments you plan to make.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with more concrete examples and data where possible. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, and use linking words or phrases to help the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your position on the topic. This reinforces your argument and provides a strong finish to your essay.
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