Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, many individuals
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
success
in
life
begins
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with
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from
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with
show examples
desire and difficult
work
,
otherwise
, some
people
think that based
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on factors
show examples
factors
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on factors
show examples
like income and external.
This
essay agrees that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
victorious
life
comes from
work
hard and resolution.
Initially
, working hard with ambition will reach
goal
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the goal
a goal
show examples
.
However
,
people
have to be patient to get the best outcome. Take Nguyen Khuyen students as a typical example there, these students have to
sudy
Correct your spelling
study
day by day
during
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for
show examples
three years in high school so as to prepare for their final test to get qualification and
as a consequence
, all of them get
in
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into
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good universities.
Moreover
,
people
often listen to
successful
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the successful
a successful
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businessman
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businessmen
show examples
on
podscast
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podcast
podcasts
as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
way of being inspired to make an effort to complete their
goal
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goals
show examples
. Another point worth considering is that many
people
believe
the
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that
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good
look
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looks
show examples
and
the
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apply
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stable
of
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apply
show examples
finance
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finances
show examples
will
the
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be the
show examples
best
source
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sources
show examples
lead to
success
in
work
, even
life
.
This
may be true but it
is easily realise
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is easily realised
show examples
that there
are
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is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
minor
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minority
show examples
of
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apply
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people
who only have money but
also
have beauty but without
determination
and dedication can approach
to
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apply
show examples
their goal.
Besides
, being lazy and
depend
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dependent
show examples
on money without working will eventually lead to
fairlure
Correct your spelling
failure
.
For example
, a businessman will never succeed only being rich. From
this
writer's point of view, I believe that hard
work
and
determination
play an important role in a successful
life
.
This
is because
people
can not follow their careers if they are not passionate about their jobs.
People
will not receive anything if they do not
work
hard. In conclusion,
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
and
determination
and possessing money and appearance would help them
success
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succeed
show examples
in the way of becoming
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
However
,
people
who study hard and have
determination
will easily
to
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apply
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reach the
goal
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goals
show examples
of their lives because of experiencing than the finance and appearance problems.
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, clarify and expand upon your main ideas. Provide more detailed and nuanced examples to better demonstrate your understanding and analysis of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. This involves creating a clearer connection between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, work on using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • tenacity
  • socioeconomic status
  • aesthetic standards
  • meritocracy
  • disparities
  • innate characteristics
  • equitable opportunities
  • success metrics
  • fortuitous circumstances
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