Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays, many individuals
believed
that Wrong verb form
believe
success
in Use synonyms
life
begins Use synonyms
Change preposition
with
from
desire and difficult Change preposition
with
work
, Use synonyms
otherwise
, some Linking Words
people
think that based Use synonyms
Change preposition
on factors
factors
like income and external. Change preposition
on factors
This
essay agrees that Linking Words
the
victorious Correct article usage
a
life
comes from Use synonyms
work
hard and resolution.
Use synonyms
Initially
, working hard with ambition will reach Linking Words
goal
. Add an article
the goal
a goal
However
, Linking Words
people
have to be patient to get the best outcome. Take Nguyen Khuyen students as a typical example there, these students have to Use synonyms
sudy
day by day Correct your spelling
study
during
three years in high school so as to prepare for their final test to get qualification and Change preposition
for
as a consequence
, all of them get Linking Words
in
good universities. Change preposition
into
Moreover
, Linking Words
people
often listen to Use synonyms
successful
Add an article
the successful
a successful
businessman
on Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
podscast
as Correct your spelling
podcast
podcasts
the
way of being inspired to make an effort to complete their Correct article usage
a
goal
.
Another point worth considering is that many Fix the agreement mistake
goals
people
believe Use synonyms
the
good Correct your spelling
that
look
and Fix the agreement mistake
looks
the
stable Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
finance
will Fix the agreement mistake
finances
the
best Add a missing verb
be the
source
lead to Fix the agreement mistake
sources
success
in Use synonyms
work
, even Use synonyms
life
. Use synonyms
This
may be true but it Linking Words
is easily realise
that there Change the verb form
is easily realised
are
Change the verb form
is
the
Correct article usage
a
minor
Replace the word
minority
of
Change preposition
apply
people
who only have money but Use synonyms
also
have beauty but without Linking Words
determination
and dedication can approach Use synonyms
to
their goal. Change preposition
apply
Besides
, being lazy and Linking Words
depend
on money without working will eventually lead to Replace the word
dependent
fairlure
. Correct your spelling
failure
For example
, a businessman will never succeed only being rich.
From Linking Words
this
writer's point of view, I believe that hard Linking Words
work
and Use synonyms
determination
play an important role in a successful Use synonyms
life
. Use synonyms
This
is because Linking Words
people
can not follow their careers if they are not passionate about their jobs. Use synonyms
People
will not receive anything if they do not Use synonyms
work
hard.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
hardworking
and Correct word choice
hard work
determination
and possessing money and appearance would help them Use synonyms
Use synonyms
success
in the way of becoming Replace the word
succeed
Use synonyms
success
. Replace the word
successful
However
, Linking Words
people
who study hard and have Use synonyms
determination
will easily Use synonyms
to
reach the Fix the infinitive
apply
goal
of their lives because of experiencing than the finance and appearance problems.Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, clarify and expand upon your main ideas. Provide more detailed and nuanced examples to better demonstrate your understanding and analysis of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. This involves creating a clearer connection between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, work on using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
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Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example