Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion
Nowadays, many individuals
believed
that Wrong verb form
believe
success
in life
begins Change preposition
with
from
desire and difficult Change preposition
with
work
, otherwise
, some people
think that based Change preposition
on factors
factors
like income and external. Change preposition
on factors
This
essay agrees that the
victorious Correct article usage
a
life
comes from work
hard and resolution.
Initially
, working hard with ambition will reach goal
. Add an article
the goal
a goal
However
, people
have to be patient to get the best outcome. Take Nguyen Khuyen students as a typical example there, these students have to sudy
day by day Correct your spelling
study
during
three years in high school so as to prepare for their final test to get qualification and Change preposition
for
as a consequence
, all of them get in
good universities. Change preposition
into
Moreover
, people
often listen to successful
Add an article
the successful
a successful
businessman
on Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
podscast
as Correct your spelling
podcast
podcasts
the
way of being inspired to make an effort to complete their Correct article usage
a
goal
.
Another point worth considering is that many Fix the agreement mistake
goals
people
believe the
good Correct your spelling
that
look
and Fix the agreement mistake
looks
the
stable Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
finance
will Fix the agreement mistake
finances
the
best Add a missing verb
be the
source
lead to Fix the agreement mistake
sources
success
in work
, even life
. This
may be true but it is easily realise
that there Change the verb form
is easily realised
are
Change the verb form
is
the
Correct article usage
a
minor
Replace the word
minority
of
Change preposition
apply
people
who only have money but also
have beauty but without determination
and dedication can approach to
their goal. Change preposition
apply
Besides
, being lazy and depend
on money without working will eventually lead to Replace the word
dependent
fairlure
. Correct your spelling
failure
For example
, a businessman will never succeed only being rich.
From this
writer's point of view, I believe that hard work
and determination
play an important role in a successful life
. This
is because people
can not follow their careers if they are not passionate about their jobs. People
will not receive anything if they do not work
hard.
In conclusion, hardworking
and Correct word choice
hard work
determination
and possessing money and appearance would help them success
in the way of becoming Replace the word
succeed
success
. Replace the word
successful
However
, people
who study hard and have determination
will easily to
reach the Fix the infinitive
apply
goal
of their lives because of experiencing than the finance and appearance problems.Fix the agreement mistake
goals
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, clarify and expand upon your main ideas. Provide more detailed and nuanced examples to better demonstrate your understanding and analysis of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. This involves creating a clearer connection between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, work on using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example