IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people nowadays choose to remain unmarried. Why are people doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In'today
Correct your spelling
In today
 modern life, young
people
Use synonyms
 are attracted by working and business, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
currently young
people
Use synonyms
 are pursuing the trend
to remain
Change preposition
of remaining
show examples
 unmarried. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I want to discuss some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
occuring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation and offer the positive and
negatives
Change the noun form
negative
show examples
 development. On the one hand, I think there are two cautions about the single of young
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the problem launches from individual finance, for a ceremony to be held it is included paying for
this
Linking Words
 held, party for friends and invitees and a new house_which consist of
equitments
Correct your spelling
equipment
requirements
. Young
people_who
Correct your spelling
people who
 just got to work in a short
tme
Correct your spelling
time
 will difficult to save
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge money to pay.
Secondly
Linking Words
, nowadays,
insteading
Correct your spelling
instead
 of having a relationship to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
come
Add the particle
come to
show examples
 marry, young
people
Use synonyms
 usually choose a short-term relationship or
choose taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 care of pets
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cats
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
dogs-which
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loneliness.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation has both positive and negative.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 first one is
benefit
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
 come from that young
people_who
Correct your spelling
people who
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 marry can focus on their career,
this
Linking Words
 will be handy for
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
, create many productions, ideals,
goods
Correct word choice
and goods
show examples
 and
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the positives, the situation brings some detrimental effects for nation_when not
marry
Verb problem
apply
show examples
synonymous with the birth rate
decreased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are not getting married, they
also
Linking Words
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 have babies or
chcildren
Correct your spelling
children
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
born in a single family will not receive love from both dad and
mon
Correct your spelling
mom
show examples
. The dreary pospect of their country will occur the same
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 Korea or Japan- a noticeable example
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 where have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar trend, and harmful by the disappear of nation in
Correct article usage
the furture
show examples
furture
Correct your spelling
future
 and not enough labour for working. In conclusion, there are many reasons
to cause
Verb problem
why
show examples
 unmarried
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 when
thier
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not collecting enough money or
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 other
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
, the positive improve economy but the negatives are worse because of a decline in
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 rate and harm
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.

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Improvement Suggestions

5
Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Try using topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

Introduce the essay with a more precise thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic. End with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.

Task Achievement

Use more specific examples to support your arguments. General statements are less convincing than detailed, real-world instances.

Language proficiency

Pay attention to accuracy and complexity in your grammatical constructions and vocabulary use. Consider revising for clarity and precision.

Task Achievement

Address both parts of the question thoroughly. Ensure you explain why young people are choosing not to marry and discuss the implications of this trend in more depth.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • rapid advancement
  • instant communication
  • online shopping
  • fast food delivery
  • social media platforms
  • immediate feedback
  • recognition and validation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • decreased patience
  • delayed gratification
  • realistic expectations
  • work ethic
  • unrealistic expectations
  • stress
  • dissatisfaction
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