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some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor, such as momey and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factor #momey #appearance
In
this
competitve
Correct your spelling
competitive
 age world, money and appearance make everything become easier. A part of society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
this
 viewpoint
while
 others think hard work and determination will gain success.
This
 writer is going to
discussing
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 both views and giving opinions. First of all,
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 and determination
take
Verb problem
play
show examples
 important roles in success. Lack of knowledge can be solved by being determined.
For example
, students
graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
 from university after
learning
Verb problem
apply
show examples
three years could have
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 as same as citizens
worked
Correct pronoun usage
who worked
show examples
sinxe
Correct your spelling
since
 graduated from high school
while
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 learning more than five years
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university could have a triple wage.
Consequently
,
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 is a essential skills
allow
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
show examples
 individuals to solve complex problems and reach long-term goals. Another point of view, beauty and money's influence increased dramatically recently. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is that it is hard to start a business or
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
Correct article usage
a bublic
show examples
bublic
Correct your spelling
public
 figure without financial sources.
For instance
, audiences tend to be attracted by pretty celebrities and individuals who leave an impression in their minds, so activists with attractive looks have a huge advantage in the industry. Taking everything into account,money and appearance can facilitate people in their careers but success only can be achieved through hard work and determination.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and coherent structure. Organise your essay into paragraphs, each covering a distinct viewpoint or part of your argument. Use linking words ('Moreover', 'However', 'Therefore', etc.) to connect your ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly. While you have addressed both views, expanding your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations will strengthen your argument. Ensure each paragraph explores a unique aspect of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. In the conclusion, summarise your main points and clearly state your opinion, ensuring it aligns with the argument presented in your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both views thoroughly and providing a clear, reasoned opinion. While you have included both perspectives and your opinion, further detail and depth in discussing each viewpoint would enhance your task achievement.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and effectively. Avoid repetition and try to use synonyms or related phrases to express your thoughts.
Task Achievement
Ensure your examples are specifically tailored to support your argument. While you have provided examples, making them more relevant and detailed will strengthen your essay’s persuasiveness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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