some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor, such as momey and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
In
this
competitve
age world, money and appearance make everything become easier. A part of society Correct your spelling
competitive
believe
Change the verb form
believes
this
viewpoint while
others think hard work and determination will gain success. This
writer is going to discussing
both views and giving opinions.
First of all, Wrong verb form
discuss
hard-working
and determination Correct word choice
hard work
take
important roles in success. Lack of knowledge can be solved by being determined. Verb problem
play
For example
, students graduated
from university after Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
learning
three years could have Verb problem
apply
wage
as same as citizens Fix the agreement mistake
wages
worked
Correct pronoun usage
who worked
sinxe
graduated from high school Correct your spelling
since
while
professions
learning more than five years Replace the word
professionals
in
university could have a triple wage. Change preposition
at
Consequently
, hardworking
is a essential skills Correct word choice
hard work
allow
individuals to solve complex problems and reach long-term goals.
Another point of view, beauty and money's influence increased dramatically recently. One of the main Correct pronoun usage
that allow
reason
is that it is hard to start a business or Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
being
Wrong verb form
be
Correct article usage
a bublic
bublic
figure without financial sources. Correct your spelling
public
For instance
, audiences tend to be attracted by pretty celebrities and individuals who leave an impression in their minds, so activists with attractive looks have a huge advantage in the industry.
Taking everything into account,money and appearance can facilitate people in their careers but success only can be achieved through hard work and determination.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and coherent structure. Organise your essay into paragraphs, each covering a distinct viewpoint or part of your argument. Use linking words ('Moreover', 'However', 'Therefore', etc.) to connect your ideas smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly. While you have addressed both views, expanding your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations will strengthen your argument. Ensure each paragraph explores a unique aspect of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. In the conclusion, summarise your main points and clearly state your opinion, ensuring it aligns with the argument presented in your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both views thoroughly and providing a clear, reasoned opinion. While you have included both perspectives and your opinion, further detail and depth in discussing each viewpoint would enhance your task achievement.
Task Achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and effectively. Avoid repetition and try to use synonyms or related phrases to express your thoughts.
Task Achievement
Ensure your examples are specifically tailored to support your argument. While you have provided examples, making them more relevant and detailed will strengthen your essay’s persuasiveness.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.