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Band 4

According to observations, some animal species have become extinct or endangered in recent decades. What are reasons behind this tendency? What effects it may have on ecosystem in general?

#species #decades #tendency #effects #ecosystem
Recently, a growing number of animal
species
 have been harmed and become on the verge of extinction. There are numerous underlying causes that I am going to delve deeper into, in order to reveal
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 possible effects. In the light of climate change, inappropriate weather patterns carry out disastrous impacts on animals’ well-being, directly.
Moreover
,
wild fires
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wildfires
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 have
also
significant
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a significant
the significant
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 role, that not only
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
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 their habitats
,
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apply
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 but
also
kill
Correct subject-verb agreement
kills
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immense
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an immense
the immense
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 number of animals. In today’s world, people are more likely to use leather products, which results in pointless destruction of animals. There is another cogent reason that should be mentioned, with the growing of water pollution and deforestation, habitats of animal
species
 become unlivable. When it comes to the effects, one of the severe implications of
loss
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the loss
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 of animal
species
 is
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of biodiversity, which will cause serious changes
on
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in
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food
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the food
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 chain.
Initially
,
extinction
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the extinction
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 of
animal’s
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animals
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 can disrupt the balance of
ecosystem
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the ecosystem
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 and deteriorate not only
animal’s
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animal
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 life but
also
 other plant and insect
species
’ life. In our
ecosystem
, all
species
are
Verb problem
have
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 strong
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 with each other, and
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
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 of animal
species
 will destroy
invaluable
Correct article usage
the invaluable
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 harmony of our
ecosystem
.
Additionally
,
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of animal
species
 can cause
food
Correct article usage
a food
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 deficit for animals and human beings. In conclusion, animal extinction is accelerated by various factors, including deforestation and pollution, which encourages noxious ramifications and undesirable impacts on our
ecosystem
as well as
quality
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the quality
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 of our life.
Submitted by bhoswriting on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance clarity by ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices beyond basic linking words.
Task Achievement
Deepen your exploration of each point with more robust and specific examples. Your essay touches on important causes and effects but could benefit from a more detailed examination.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score, include a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary connected to the topic to make your argument more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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