IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The movement of people from the countryside into the cities is happening in many parts of the world, resulting in the problems, especially in cities. What are the causes of this movement, and how can it be reversed Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In many countries, the cities are facing many difficulties because numerous individuals prefer moving
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to living in urban
areas
Use synonyms
. Certainly, there are many reasons why
this
Linking Words
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 happened and
this
Linking Words
 essay will first look at the root causes before turning to the solutions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first reason why people make movement is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 necessity to have a good job and a high salary. Communities tend to believe that they could have a chance to work in the cities owing to the lack of employment in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Jakarta is the capital city of Indonesia with
enermous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 companies
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
built there.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people who
feel
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to join a project in rural
areas
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Medan, Palembang, and Lampung decide to move
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Jakarta because
Change preposition
of a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 huge chance to be
employeed
Correct your spelling
employed
 and get paid for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many parents send their offspring to big cities because they have a belief that
capital
Correct article usage
the capital
show examples
 city has
a good qualities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good quality
good qualities
show examples
 in education, so they encourage their youth to take college there.
However
Linking Words
, these situations can be reduced by providing
a large job fields
Correct the article-noun agreement
a large job field
large job fields
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. The governments should consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the number of jobseekers in many parts of their countries
as well as
Linking Words
 provide a prevalent quality of education.
For instance
Linking Words
, enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, providing industrial developments and
built
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a good system
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education. The governments
also
Linking Words
 should provide a
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 public facility which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 feel have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
hope and will be able to survive in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the movement of people to
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
 city
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of chance to obtain a good life in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prevalent
facilies
Correct your spelling
facilities
families
 in many parts of their
areas
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement at the end of your introduction to outline your essay's direction. This will clarify your stance and the structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Increase the variety of your linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'In contrast,' and 'As a result,' can help enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly with detailed explanations and more specific examples. Don't just mention an idea; explain why it is relevant and how it supports your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation. Shorter, clearer sentences can enhance understanding and coherence. Be mindful of comma usage and sentence fragments.
coherence cohesion
Check for typographical and grammatical errors that could distract readers or cloud the clarity of your arguments. Regular proofreading can significantly improve your essay's readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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