IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

#world #people #cities #areas #populations #countryside #development
All over the world, many people from rural areas move to cities. So
this
 action leads to the decreasing population in the countryside. In my perspective, rural people seek
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better opportunities for a better living where they can achieve better living conditions by moving to cities.
Therefore
,
this
 action will bring positive development
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for the rural people.
To begin
 with, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is often associated with poverty because few individuals have access to middle-higher class opportunities
such
 as better education, jobs, and health care
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
For instance
, one of the best educational systems
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, universities mostly available only in metropolitan cities
tathe
Correct your spelling
and
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure to expand your essay to include both sides of the argument to completely address the task. Discuss both positive and negative implications of rural to urban migration.
Task Achievement
Continue to strengthen your argument with more specific examples and clear reasoning on how moving to cities can be beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider adding a concluding paragraph summarizing your main points and restating your position to make the essay more complete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: