Some people believe that hospitals should spend money on equipment. Others think it would be better to spend money hiring doctors and nurses. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A number of individuals assumed that
hopitals
Correct your spelling
hospitals

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must distribute
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

budget
Correct article usage
the budget

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on medical tools. Meanwhile, others suggest it is
preferreable
Correct your spelling
preferable
preferrable

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to assign money by recruiting more
professionals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as doctors and nurses. I will discuss both views, and in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in my opinion. Consider adding a comma.

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it is important for health
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres

It seems that centre may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to increase more advanced medical tools
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

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many demand to handle more serious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases

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as long as health
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres

It seems that centre may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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have enough
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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professionals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
One
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On one

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hand, allocating money by upgrading
healthcare
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

tools will advance patient's
services
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in order to monitor their treatment progress.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
hospitals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with
sophiscated
Correct your spelling
sophisticated

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devices will lead to effectiveness,
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, patients obtain
smooth
Correct article usage
a smooth

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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medical
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes

It seems that process may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Correct article usage
the jembersehat
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Correct article usage
the jembersehat

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jembersehat
Correct your spelling
members hat
application
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

conducted by
local
Correct article usage
the local

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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council currently
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes

It seems that the verb become does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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very helpful
to handle
Change preposition
in handling

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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patient's
Change noun form
patient

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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registration.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, investing
budget
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for medical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment

It appears that equipments is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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can support research and
innovative
Replace the word
innovation

The word innovative doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in medical technology. On another hand, allocating
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
budget
Correct article usage
a budget

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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to recruit more
professionals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
healthcare
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will improve the quality of medical
services
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, increasing
more
Fix the agreement mistake
the number of

It seems that more may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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employees will provide
variety
Correct article usage
a variety

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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specialized
Change preposition
of specialized

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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doctors, it surely offers
wider
Add an article
a wider

The noun phrase wider range seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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range of
healthcare
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

services
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and it will lead to patients
can get
Wrong verb form
getting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb can get. Consider changing it.

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compherensive
Correct your spelling
comprehensive

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services
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

according
Add the preposition
according to

It appears that there is a missing preposition after the word according. Consider adding a preposition.

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their needs.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
hospitals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which have numerous specialized members will guide people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb suffering. Consider changing it.

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toothache
Change preposition
from toothache

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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towards
dentist
Add an article
the dentist

The noun phrase dentist seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.
Then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, more
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff

It seems that staffs may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will enhance response times. As
hospitals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have more
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff

It seems that staffs may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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available, as more possible to respond quickly
more
Change preposition
to more

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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urgent medical situations.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I strongly believe that
hospitals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should invest
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
budget
Correct pronoun usage
their budget

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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increasing advanced medical devices in order to deal with
demand
Add an article
the demand

The noun phrase demand seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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serious disease cases as long as they have
quite
Change the article
quite a

It appears that the article usage in the phrase quite number is incorrect. Consider making a change.

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number of
healthcare
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

professionals
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay presented a clear discussion of both views and offered a personal opinion, which is good. However, to further improve your task achievement, ensure that your opinion is presented and explained more clearly within the essay. Introduce your main opinion more prominently in the introduction, and reiterate it in the conclusion for stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more naturally. This will make your essay flow better. Also, pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph deals with one main idea. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from increased specificity in your examples. Provide detailed and concrete examples where possible to support your points. This will not only make your argument more convincing but also demonstrate your ability to discuss abstract ideas in a concrete way.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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