IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

According to observations, some animal species have become extinct or endangered in recent decades.What are reasons behind this tendency?What effects it may have on ecosystem in general?

#species #decades #tendency #effects #ecosystem
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Recently, a growing number of animal
species
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 have been harmed and become on the verge of extinction. There are numerous underlying causes that I am going to delve deeper into, in order to reveal their possible effects. In the light of climate change, inappropriate weather patterns carry out disastrous impacts on
animals
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’ well-being, directly.
Moreover
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, wildfires
also
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 have a significant role, that not only destroys their habitats but
also
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 kills an immense number of
animals
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. In today’s world, people are more likely to use leather products, which results in pointless destruction of
animals
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. There is another cogent reason that should be mentioned, with the growing of water pollution and deforestation, habitats of animal kinds become unlivable. When it comes to the effects, one of the severe implications of the loss of animal types is
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of biodiversity, which will cause serious changes in
food
Add an article
the food
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 chain.
Initially
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, the extinction of
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animals'
Change noun form
animals
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 can disrupt the balance of the
ecosystem
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 and deteriorate not only animal’s life but
also
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 other plant and insect
species
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’ life. In our
ecosystem
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, all
species
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 have strong bonds with each other, and the vanishing of animal
species
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 will destroy the invaluable harmony of our
ecosystem
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.
Additionally
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, the loss of animal
species
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 can cause a food deficit for
animals
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 and human beings. In conclusion, animal extinction is accelerated by various factors, including deforestation and pollution, which encourages noxious ramifications and undesirable impacts on our
ecosystem
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as well as
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 the quality of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Submitted by bhoswriting on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. While your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, the transition between ideas can be further smoothed out. Consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to better link your paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be enhanced for greater impact. In the introduction, clearly outline the points that will be discussed. In the conclusion, ensure that you succinctly summarize the key points made and restate your main argument in a persuasive manner.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with examples and explanations, which is good. However, to strengthen your essay, consider including more detailed, specific examples that directly relate to your arguments. This will add depth to your analysis and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, offering clear and comprehensive ideas on the reasons behind animal extinction and its effects on the ecosystem. To refine your task achievement, focus on providing a more detailed analysis of each cause and effect. This includes exploring the interconnectedness of various factors and providing a deeper investigation into the ramifications of species loss.
task achievement
While your essay is quite comprehensive, incorporating relevant and specific examples to support each point could further strengthen your arguments. Use real-world cases or studies to back up your claims, which will make your essay more convincing and engaging for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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