IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #history #school #subjects #today’s #world #science #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that History is widely acknowledged as one of the most vital
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 oppose that those like
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 put into priority.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views about the importance of Historical and Scientific-Technological
Subjects
Use synonyms
 and emphasise the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all these fields. On the one hand, historical knowledge is essential for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to learn about the past. By
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 about the past,
students
Use synonyms
 can gain valuable insights into the events, ideas, and cultural practices that have shaped our world.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will love more about their country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, through History, they can raise their understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their ancestors about how they
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 and
protect to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
protect the next generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who advocate for
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 argue that they are taken into
considerationin
Correct your spelling
consideration in
consideration
 today's world. The rapid improvements in
technology
Use synonyms
 and the ongoing impact of
science
Use synonyms
 on society make it critical for
students
Use synonyms
 to learn about these
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Science
Use synonyms
 and
Technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 play
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a paramount
significant
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
role in many aspects of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 including Medication, Transportation and even Society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential that
students
Use synonyms
 should gain more understanding about these
subjects
Use synonyms
 to improve people’s quality in the future. With that all being mentioned,
while
Linking Words
 History is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those Scientific and Technological
subjects
Use synonyms
 are ignored.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
Correct your spelling
essential
esstential
Correct your spelling
essential
 to balance between these
subjects
Use synonyms
 and make sure that
students
Use synonyms
 can have a well-rounded education
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement, try to include more detailed and specific examples that directly support your arguments. This can help in making your essay more insightful and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, although your essay has a discernible structure, work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure your paragraphs and sentences seamlessly connect. Also, pay attention to paragraphing, each new point should ideally start with a new paragraph.
Overall
To enhance your essay, try making your introduction more engaging by adding a hook statement. Furthermore, your conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing your viewpoints more clearly and stating your opinion more decisively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Historical perspective
  • Analytical skills
  • Contextual understanding
  • Technological advancements
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Innovation
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Job market
  • Climate crisis
  • Cultural identity
  • Critical thinking
  • Humanities
  • Contemporary issues
  • Integration
  • Tech-savvy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: