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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the five different brands' mobile phone
sales
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
globally between 2009 and 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Samsung and Nokia
were
Verb problem
had
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 the highest
sales
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three brands
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for lower rates. A more detailed look at the charts, in 2009,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Nokia was presented as the highest
sales
Use synonyms
 with around 440,
while
Linking Words
apple
Capitalize word
Apple
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 sold only 25, which was exactly two times lower than the
sales
Use synonyms
 of ZTE and Samsung sold 220 cellphones. There were huge increases for
Samsung
Correct article usage
the Samsung
show examples
 brand from 2009 and 2013,
such
Linking Words
 as the
sales
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 100 figures in 2011, and it was
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
continuesly
Correct your spelling
continuously
continues
 to 450 in 2013, which was the highest figure in
this
Linking Words
 data.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of Apple users rose to 150 in 2019, which was seven times higher than it was presented in 2009.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
contsant
Correct your spelling
constant
 decrease
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 accounted
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 users of LG and Nokia, which were lowered from 120 to 80 and from 430 to 250 respectively during these years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
users
Correct quantifier usage
number of users
show examples
 of ZTE
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased
slighly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 from 50 to 70.
Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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