Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #don’t #points

It is commonly argued by people that world-class

athletes

make good

role

models

for many

youngsters

whereas

others opine that they do not make good

role

models

. In

this

essay, I will delve into both views and express my opinion. Many

youngsters

look up to professional

athletes

because of what they have achieved in the sport.

However

, some

athletes

are not just famed for their achievements in the sport but they are

also

famous for the attitude they portray. Some

athletes

have exceptional qualities

Change preposition

apply

show examples

for example

hard work and grit which make good

role

models

for young people.

For instance

, football player Cristiano Ronaldo,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is known by his teammates at his football club as ‘the machine’.

This

due to

the fact that he works tirelessly after team training in order to perfect his shooting techniques.

This

makes him a wonderful example of how hard work and grit can bring you from a humble background to the world stage. On the other side of the coin, there are

also

athletes

who are a bad

role

model as they misuse their wealth in

such

a way that it is not just bad for

him

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

but it could lead

youngsters

who

looked

Wrong verb form

look

show examples

up to them astray.

For instance

, former world number one golf player Tiger Woods, not only was he known for his victories on the golf course

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

he was

also

famed for cheating on his spouse with many mistresses. Not only did he hide his truth from his spouse but he lied to his children and

that is

unacceptable to the eyes of the public.

This

is an example of a bad

role

mode

Correct your spelling

model

show examples

especially

Change preposition

for

show examples

youngsters

as there is a risk that they would want to follow in the same footsteps and commit the

wrong doing

Correct your spelling

wrongdoing

show examples

too. In conclusion, I believe that professional

athletes

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

good

models

for

youngsters

as they exemplify qualities which can inspire others. There are some

athletes

which

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

bad

role

models

however

this

is only a small proportion of the lot.

Submitted by chubbybunny on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Structure

Ensure that your essay remains neutral until the conclusion where you share your opinion. This helps maintain clarity in your discussion.

Language Use

Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Content

Excellent use of specific examples to support your points (Cristiano Ronaldo and Tiger Woods).

Structure

Clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the essay's argument effectively.

Task Response

You've demonstrated a strong ability to discuss both views in a balanced manner before providing your own opinion.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

338 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

exemplify
perseverance
discipline
humble beginnings
motivate
inspire
teamwork
sportsmanship
negative behavior
drug abuse
unlawful activities
sensationalizes
unrealistic
unattainable standards
material success
skewed value system
high visibility
magnifies
faults
misleading

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Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advanages and disadvantages of gibing children this message?

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