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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart shows the production and utilisation of power among ten nations in the year 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, China produced and consumed the highest electrical energy,
while
Linking Words
 Korea's Rep. was the least for both cases.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of electricity generated by China was 5398
kwh
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 used 5322
kWh
Use synonyms
.
United
Correct article usage
The United
show examples
 States and Russia held second and third place with the
generation
Use synonyms
 of 4099
kWh
Use synonyms
 and 1057
kWh
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and used lap 3866
kWh
Use synonyms
 and 1038
kWh
Use synonyms
 respectively. Japan used 856.7
kWh
Use synonyms
 against 936.2
kWh
Use synonyms
 production.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, India used almost 200
kWh
Use synonyms
 less than their actual
generation
Use synonyms
, which was 871
kWh
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the power produced by Canada was 618.9
kWh
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 499.9
kWh
Use synonyms
 of power was transferred to use.
Moreover
Linking Words
, France and Brazil led to 563.2 and 530.7
kWh
Use synonyms
 electrons,
while
Linking Words
 utilization was 462.9
kWh
Use synonyms
 and 455.8
kWh
Use synonyms
 respectively. Germany utilized (582.5
kWh
Use synonyms
) more than the
generation
Use synonyms
 (5262nwh).
Finally
Linking Words
, the difference between
generation
Use synonyms
 and consumption was 485-1
kWh
Use synonyms
 and 449.5
kWh
Use synonyms
 respectively in Korea Rep.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words kwh, generation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity production
  • electricity consumption
  • disparity
  • significant
  • top ten countries
  • main features
  • compare
  • relevant
  • geographical concentration
  • trends
  • patterns
  • implications
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