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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart shows the results of a survey, in which people in Europe and the USA were asked what they consider to be the most important factor in the success of a business. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the results of a survey, in which people in Europe and the USA were asked what they consider to be the most important factor in the success of a business. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #results #survey #people #europe #usa #factor #success #business #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph compares the
factors
Use synonyms
 regarded as the most significant for a
business
Use synonyms
 to succeed by surveyees in Europe and the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, the character of the director and style of managing the
business
Use synonyms
 were the most important and the political situation was the least for Americans. Europeans
also
Linking Words
 considered the management of the
business
Use synonyms
 to be the major factor
whereas
Linking Words
 external
factors
Use synonyms
 to be the minor by Europeans. Starting with the results of the survey given by Americans, the personality of the director and the style of
business
Use synonyms
 had the largest proportions with 40%. The lower percentage of people answered national security
with
Change preposition
apply
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just below 20% and only less than 10% of people believed external
factors
Use synonyms
 were essential.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the political situation had the lowest rate with approximately 5%. Turning to the response of Europeans,
business
Use synonyms
 management was
also
Linking Words
 believed to be the most crucial element with nearly 40%, which was a little higher than that of Americans. Regarding the political situation, the personality of the manager and the national economy,
theyranged
Correct your spelling
they ranged
 from under 20% to slightly above 20%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the external
factors
Use synonyms
 were the least selected with below 10%.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words factors, business with synonyms.
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