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Band 4.5

When choosing jobs, salary is the most important consideration.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#jobs #salary #consideration
Nowadays,
job
 payment is the most significant effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
job
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. Vice versa, it is argued that
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 with
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
also
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in
job
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
. In my perspective, I partly disagree with the opinion that
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 should
be choose
Change the verb form
be chosen
show examples
 by the
salary
 received, but
also
 should be decided by
seeker's
Correct article usage
the seeker's
show examples
 happiness.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, the amount of
salary
 should be put in your
job
 standard. An ill-payed
job
 would not be able for workers to afford their basic needs
such
 as food, beverage,
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
,... And even find it hard to pay for luxurious interests. Jobs with adequate financial means which can provide you comfortable life should be prioritized. It is even more important for a breadwinner to find a
well-payed
Correct your spelling
well-paying
show examples
job
 for the whole family's expense.
In
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On
show examples
 the other hand, a
thoroughly
Change the adverb
thorough
show examples
 seeker will add
job
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their choice. Even if you get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 for a
job
, it is important to ensure that the
job
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 comfortable for your mental health. A
job
 with stress and negative thinking will
destrimental
Correct your spelling
negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 your health and lead to sickness
such
 add depression, anxiety,
obesity
Correct word choice
and obesity
show examples
,...
In contrast
, a friendly interrelationship with
colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
show examples
 will give you meaningful experiences
while
 working.
To conclude
, the amount of
salary
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important consideration. But
also
, how you
satisfy
Wrong verb form
are satisfied
show examples
 with the
job
also
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an important role in
job
 decision. A
mean
Correct your spelling
man
show examples
 of
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
job
 should
also
 include a
resionable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
salary
 and happiness
while
 working.
Submitted by nguyenhoanghadl on

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Accuracy
Despite the great job you've done, ensuring error-free spelling and paying attention to the correct use of plurals and possessives can enhance the overall quality. For instance, 'satisfication' should be 'satisfaction', and 'effect' when you mean 'affect' or 'influence'.
Lexical Resource
Try to diversify your sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and to showcase a broader linguistic range. For example, instead of repeating 'job satisfication', consider synonyms or paraphrases like 'job fulfillment' or 'workplace contentment'.
Tone
Remember to maintain a formal tone consistently throughout the essay. Avoid using informal expressions or colloquial terms in formal writing.
Structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, effectively segmented into an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps in articulating your points clearly.
Task Response
You have successfully addressed all parts of the task, providing a complete and thoughtful response. Your balanced perspective enriches the discussion.
Persuasive Writing
Your use of specific examples and a clear statement of your personal viewpoint adds depth to your essay, making it persuasive and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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