IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The
internet
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 has gained popularity among individuals especially teenagers,
while
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 the number of people who have used
newspapers
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 is decreasing day by day at an alarming rate. I agree with
this
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 statement, there are several reasons for the popularity of the
internet
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, In
this
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 essay, it will be discussed. First of all, why I advocated
this
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 viewpoint is that despite causing negative impacts on human health,
internet
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 users
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 and more
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 because it is more comfortable.
For instance
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, in the majority of countries, people prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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instead
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 of
newspapers
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 daily
news
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. To be more specific, nowadays individuals are more comfortable than in the past because they can have new
news
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 in a minute easily.
However
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, in the past, getting new
news
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 had required a lot of time.
Therefore
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, most people have the opportunity to access the
Internet
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. Another point worth noting is that individuals who have used the
internet
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 try to protect the environment.
For example
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, some
internet
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 users claim that
newspapers
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 ought to be eliminated by the government in order to help the environment. To elaborate,
newspapers
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 require several papers, and
as a result
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, it leads to cutting
trees
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.
Consequently
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, cutting
trees
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 are able to influence the forests.
Moreover
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, cutting
trees
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 not only affects the environment but
also
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 has the potential to affect animals.
For example
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, birds may have nests in the
trees
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, and if the
trees
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 are removed, their nests will be destroyed.
Therefore
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, in spite of reading
news
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 from the
internet
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 can cause eye diseases,
internet
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 users continue to rely heavily on digital sources for their information. In conclusion,
although
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 the
internet
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 can have a detrimental impact on the eyes, it is becoming more well-known,
whereas
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 newspaper readers have declined more and more.

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Introduction clarity
Your introduction sets a clear tone for the essay, nicely presenting your agreement with the statement. However, refining your thesis statement to directly address the prompt can make your stance clearer from the beginning.
Paragraph development
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Some points could be further elaborated to enhance reader understanding.
Use of examples
Integrating more specific examples to support your points would strengthen your argument. While you reference general tendencies, more concrete examples or data could add depth.
Transitional phrases
You've done well in linking ideas within paragraphs, but transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Phrases that show contrast, addition, or cause and effect, would help readability and flow.
Conclusion development
Your conclusion summarizes your main ideas but could be enhanced by clearly restating your stance and highlighting your key arguments more distinctively.
Grammar and accuracy
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and unconventional word choices throughout your essay. Regular practice and review of grammar rules can help in reducing these errors.
Comparative analysis
Good use of comparative perspectives between the past and present to argue your point.
Acknowledging counterarguments
Acknowledgement of counterarguments (e.g., health impacts) adds depth to your essay.
Originality in arguments
Your effort to link the use of newspapers and environmental concerns provides an interesting dimension to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
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