IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year . Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how many males and females were employed in seven different positions in Australia
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that there
were
Change the verb form
was
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severe
Correct article usage
a severe
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 gender gap, and the
number
Use synonyms
 of males
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 more than females except for professionals and clericals. Regarding
of
Change preposition
apply
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men, the most popular job
was trades
Change the verb form
was trading
show examples
 and
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 was clerical. Specifically, there were 900,000 tradespeople and 800,000 clerical. Other jobs had under 700,000
people
Use synonyms
, but at least over 400,000 and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 was labourers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the inclination
an inclination
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inclination
Fix the agreement mistake
inclinations
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 of women
were
Change the verb form
was
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 completely different. The highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
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 was clerical , and the second highest was professionals. Looking more closely, there
was
Change the verb form
were
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 just under 1,000,000
people
Use synonyms
 in clerical, followed by professionals at 7,000,000
people
Use synonyms
. Others were not over 400,000, and Tradespeople and
people
Use synonyms
 in production had the same
number
Use synonyms
 and lowest in all positions. More specifically, there were 100,000
people
Use synonyms
 in each
jobs
Change to a singular noun
job
show examples

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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