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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the percentages of the marital
status
Use synonyms
 of
Canada
Use synonyms
 and Australia. On the whole, we can see that separated but not divorced and married
accounts
Fix the agreement mistake
account
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 for huge percentages in all material
status
Use synonyms
 in both countries. One of the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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most noticeable
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 is that the proportion of separated but not divorced is at around 50% in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 nations. More specifically, it is the highest
status
Use synonyms
 in Australia at 53% and the second highest at 41 % in
Canada
Use synonyms
. The second noticeable point is that
Married is
Verb problem
marriage
show examples
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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high
Add an article
a high
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 rate, which is at 29% in Australia, and 46% in
Canada
Use synonyms
. Regarding other statuses, there are almost the same percentages in both nations at about 5% in never married and widows. But Interestingly,
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
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 marriage is
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
status
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
. It is only 3% but higher than divorced at 1%, and there is no record in
Canada
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words status, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • marital status
  • population
  • pie charts
  • percentage
  • categories
  • Married
  • Single
  • Divorced
  • Widowed
  • distribution
  • noticeable trends
  • comparison
  • significantly different
  • similarities
  • striking differences
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