Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep?
One of the widely discussed problems these days is the problem with sleep. It is undeniable that sleep has become an essential part of our life. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will look at the reasons and factors which have a bond with Change the capitalization
I
this
problem.
One of the main causes of little sleep is our modern technology. And what exactly is it? It is a mobile phones
. The second cause that might be noted, in my view, is Change the noun form
phone
less
active lifestyle. Sometimes it is Add an article
a less
result
of spending a lot of time on the phone.
The first cause mentioned above has led to dependence on a mobile phone. Why Add an article
the result
a result
this
technology? Because we have a lot of contemporary entertainment apps in
smartphones. Change preposition
on
For instance
, it comprises applications such
us
Instagram, Correct your spelling
as
Tik Tok
, Like and various games. Using Correct your spelling
TikTok
this apps
our body is resting and the head does not think about anything. All Change the determiner
this app
these apps
this
provoked our laziness and conrtibuted
to Correct your spelling
contributed
contribute
considerable
addiction. Another problem that follows is that we have unproductivity. One of the consequences of Add an article
a considerable
this
is the rest of the excess energy.
Having weighed everything mentioned up
, we can come to Change preposition
apply
a
conclusion that for healthy sleep we need to have a productive day without dependence. Now our young people encounter addiction very frequently. So it would not be surprising to see some lost people in their lives, with reluctance for anything in the near future. In Correct article usage
the
other word
, Change the wording
another word
other words
lost
generation Correct article usage
a lost
is
might happen and we should be ready to bear all the consequences of that.Unnecessary verb
apply
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides answers to both questions, but it could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations on both the problems caused by lack of sleep and the solutions. For example, you mention technology as a cause, but more could have been said about its psychological and physiological effects.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs could be more effectively organized. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and sentences should logically flow from one to the next. Linking words and phrases can help improve the transitions between ideas.
linguistic accuracy
There are a few instances where your word choice and sentence structure can be improved for clarity. For example, 'it is a mobile phones' can be rephrased to 'one example is mobile phones'. Additionally, correcting grammatical errors like 'conrtibuted' to 'contributed' will make your essay more polished. Proofreading for minor mistakes will improve overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in understanding your flow of thoughts.
task achievement
You tackle the prompt by providing two main causes and delve into them. This shows your ability to identify key points related to the topic.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes the key points effectively and reiterates the importance of addressing the issue of sleep deprivation. This reinforces your overall argument well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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