IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers.Others believe that a women's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice

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In recent years, the world has witnessed a growing advocacy for equal rights from different groups of people including feminists. There are quite a number of people who are standing up for
women
Use synonyms
 to get equal opportunities
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
work places
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 view is opposed by the
die hard
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die-hard
show examples
 traditional
men
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 who
pessive
Correct your spelling
perceive
women
Use synonyms
 as beings that belong at
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
 taking care of children and doing common
hosehold
Correct your spelling
household
 chores. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain and give reasons why I agree with the
old fashioned
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old-fashioned
show examples
 community who are
agaisnt
Correct your spelling
against
women
Use synonyms
pessuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
persuing
 careers at an equal rate with
men
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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,
women
Use synonyms
 were created to be helpers of
men
Use synonyms
 as we learn from the Holy Bible.
Therefore
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, it is taboo to hear that
women
Use synonyms
 are competing with
men
Use synonyms
 in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. Their duty is to support the man,
that is
Linking Words
 the head of the family. These days we are witnessing
women
Use synonyms
 leaving
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
show examples
 babies at
day care
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
 centres or with a hired
child minder
Correct your spelling
childminder
show examples
. Marriages are collapsing
due to
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 these
over ambitious
Add a hyphen
over-ambitious
show examples
women
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of staying at home taking care of children, doing house chores, cooking and providing emotional support to their husbands, they are busy
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
 effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 how to earn more than a ma. I
persive
Correct your spelling
perceive
this
Linking Words
 as an act of defiance of
subsimision
Correct your spelling
submission
 to
men
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.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, females are not as strong as
men
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, be it
mentaly
Correct your spelling
mentally
mental
 or physically. There is no way they can
out match
Add a hyphen
out-match
show examples
 their counterparts of the same trade. Yes
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are there
woman
Add an article
a woman
show examples
 who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 talented in certain areas,
for example
Linking Words
 in computer science, but truthfully speaking there is a
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 twice as good,
moreover
Linking Words
men
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 have more endurance and higher ability of
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
, so even if they are employed at the same level their salaries should not be the same. So it is
pointelss
Correct your spelling
pointless
 to appoint a woman
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that post.
Therefore
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,
women
Use synonyms
 should stick to their domestic
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 and leave careers for
men
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the issue of equal rights is not for the
faint hearted
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faint-hearted
show examples
, it needs a strong understanding of our
calture
Correct your spelling
culture
 and traditions.
Women
Use synonyms
 should not fight with nature, they should accept their calling of being the heart of the house and stop competing with the heads of the house in the industries and
coporate
Correct your spelling
corporate
 world.

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task achievement
Your essay structure is commendable, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, further development of ideas and rebuttals to opposing views could significantly enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay demonstrates a clear logical structure. However, improving the transition between ideas could make your argument even more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
While you have developed your perspective, incorporating more balanced viewpoints and specific examples could further strengthen your argument. Consider adding concrete examples or statistics to support your claims.
coherence and cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which aligns well with the expectations for a coherent and cohesive essay.
task achievement
Your impassioned argument shows commitment to your stance, which engages the reader.
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