IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, more and more full time university students focus on other activities rather than spend a lot of time studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are expected
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good soft
skills
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 technical
skills
Use synonyms
. Soft
skills
Use synonyms
 were not obtained through
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
show examples
, but it was developed through social
activities
Use synonyms
. In order to meet
the
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 needs, some college
students
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent more
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
to join
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joining
show examples
 several
activities
Use synonyms
 outside their routine
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
. We need to consider both the benefits and the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 case.
Body · 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 have obligations to finish their studies so they need to
put
Verb problem
make
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 it
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 first priority. If they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 too focused on
another
Replace the adjective
another activity
other activities
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
besides
Linking Words
 their academic
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
, they will
struggling
Change the verb form
struggle
be struggling
show examples
 to follow their courses. It would
really
Add a missing verb
be really
show examples
 hard to
focused
Change the form of the verb
focus
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 on several
activities
Use synonyms
 simultaneously since you have
limitation
Add an article
a limitation
the limitation
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 of time and presence to join in the teaching process.
Body · 2
Then
Linking Words
, spending more time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
activities
Use synonyms
 could
give
Verb problem
have
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your studies
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would lead to
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. If the
students
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 get low
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
, they will face
another challenges
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another challenge
other challenges
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such
Linking Words
 as finding jobs. The employer would
thinking
Change the verb form
think
be thinking
show examples
 if the candidates
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the
requirement
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requirements
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 related to their studies
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it would give
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 perception
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their competencies. As
fresh
Add an article
a fresh
show examples
 graduate, the jobseeker would be considered from their technical competence rather
on
Change preposition
than
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 their experience to do the job.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I completely disagree
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 college
students
Use synonyms
 put more effort
to participate
Change preposition
into participating
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
another activity
other activities
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
beside
Replace the word
besides
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 studying in the classroom. Knowledge from lecturing class would be more necessary to improve your value in the future to get a job or
another objectives
Replace the adjective
another objective
other objectives
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 that you want to reach. Social
skills
Use synonyms
 could improved
bye
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time through experience after the studying
acitivity
Correct your spelling
activity
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 finished.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To further enhance the sophistication of your essay, especially in coherence and cohesion, connect your paragraphs and ideas more fluidly by using a wider variety of linking words and transitions. This will help the reader follow your argumentation effortlessly.
Task Response
While your essay presents a strong stance, incorporating a more balanced view by acknowledging some contrary perspectives and then refuting them could provide a more nuanced understanding to the reader. Consider adding a paragraph that introduces a counterargument before reinforcing your thesis.
Task Response
For an even stronger essay, try to include more specific examples or evidence to support your points. These examples give more weight to your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Minor inaccuracies are present in the text. Improving these could enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and takes a clear stance, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of your essay into distinct paragraphs for introduction, argumentation, and conclusion is a strong point. This structure contributes significantly to coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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