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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think that this is beneficial for the children of these families while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own

#families #move #job #opportunities #people #children
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In the salad days of the millennium,
this
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 society is polarised into two groups almost equally regarding the notion either the migration of
families
Use synonyms
 is advantageous for the
children
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 or it makes their life hard. People have different mindsets. The subsequent paragraphs will shed light on both approaches before making the final note. On the one hand, there are a multitude of reasons why individuals think that the migration of
families
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 may be helpful for
children
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. The most significant reason is that they get a better education which may not be available in their home country.
For example
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, Canada has world-ranked colleges and universities when compared to Pakistan.
Thus
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, it is useful for
families
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 to move to developed
countries
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 for the successful future of their
kids
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.
Moreover
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, numerous
countries
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 have strict rules and regulations
due to
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 which the crime rate of these
countries
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 is negligible.
As a result
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, it makes a safer place for the
children
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 to stay.
On the other hand
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, I favour those who opine that it makes it tough for these
children
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 to settle in different
countries
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. The first and foremost reason is that
children
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 suffer from feelings of loneliness which is hard for them to overcome. When parents travel to different
countries
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, they hope for a good lifestyle for which both parents have to work.
Hence
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,
children
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 stay alone which makes them feel lonely and potentially leads to depression.
Besides
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this
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,
children
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 get bullied in schools for their English accents.
For instance
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, Indians have different accents in English and when
kids
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 from India go to school in Canada they get bullied by the
kids
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 for their English speaking skills.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the points in the favour of former view are substantial, I still opine that the movement of
families
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 from one country to another creates a tougher environment for these
kids
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 to adapt to.
Submitted by jaspreet on

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Task Achievement
Try to offer more diverse and specific examples that are directly tied to the impact of moving overseas on children's lives. This will strengthen your essay by providing a clearer illustration of your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance the fluency of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more frequently. This can make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Review the usage of idiomatic expressions and ensure that they are fitting and accurately used within the context of your essay. While 'in the salad days' is an imaginative phrase, it might not be immediately clear to all readers.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear structure that logically organizes your discussion, making your arguments easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively crafted, offering a concise summary of the debate and your stance on the issue.
Task Achievement
Your essay comprehensively covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating a sound understanding of the topic and reflective of good task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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