IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The pie chart below shows the amount of money that a chldren's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year

The pie chart below shows the amount of money that a chldren's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year
#amount #money #chldren #charity #usa #year
The pie chart
depit
Correct your spelling
depicts
 expenditures and revenue
sources
 of a children's
charity
 in the USA in one year.
Overall
, it is seen that food is the largest part of donated
sources
 and the primary
expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
show examples
 of the
charity
 is program services.
Moreover
, it is noteworthy that the most imperative to the children is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education. With regards to things that the
charity
 received, the total revenue is 53,561,580$ and donated food
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 for the majority of
sources
 (86.6%). The revenue was
come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from the community
contibutions
Correct your spelling
contributions
 is just only 10.4%.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 subsidise only 0.2% of the total
sources
. It is the same with the amount of income from investment. The size of other
sources
 combined (3%) is smaller than the proportion of contributions
come
Correct pronoun usage
that come
show examples
 from the society. The
charity
 spent 53,224,896$ in one year.
While
 the expenditures related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundraising and management and general
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only account for 2.6% and 1.6%, respectively, the
charity
 spent the almost whole money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 program services( 95.8%)
Submitted by heoeunsae on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, charity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • amount of money
  • children's charity
  • expenses
  • sources of income
  • spent
  • received
  • USA
  • one year
  • introduce
  • overview
  • main findings
  • overview
  • body paragraph
  • summarize
  • final thought
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!