The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The graphs below show the percentage of obese men and women aged 12-19 in the UK by nationality over the 10 years from 2004 to 2014.
Overall
,it is obvious that In 2014, the percentage of people with obesity increased in all three ethnicities, with Hispanic boys and
non-Hispanic
Black
girls
each reaching the highest percentages among their gender. Looking into detail,in 2004,the rate of
Non-Hispanic
White and
Non-Hispanic
teenagers were 12 and 11
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
respectively.In 2014 these figures rose to 17 and 20
percent
for the same ethnicities.
Furthermore
,among boys, the highest increase was among ethnic Hispanics, by 14
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in the 10 years from 2004 to 2014. İn
girls
,16
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
Non-Hispanic
Black
girls
were overweight in 2004, which was the highest, compared with the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
ethnic groups,but
this
figure rose by 13
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in 2014.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,the proportion of
Non-Hispanic
and Hispanic obese
girls
were 9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
and 12
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.After a decade,these numbers rose by the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
which was 5%.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words non-hispanic, girls, percent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • ethnicity
  • impact
  • bar charts
  • data
  • represent
  • studying
  • rates
  • significant
  • differences
  • highest
  • lowest
  • compare
  • trend
  • experienced
  • changes
  • over 10-year period
  • highlight
  • variations
  • notable
  • summarize
  • findings
  • implications
  • adolescents
  • addressing
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!