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Band 5.5

While it is sometimes through that prison is the best place for criminal other believe that there are better ways to deal with what is your opinion

#prison #place
Some
people
 argue that any person
committed
Correct pronoun usage
who committed
show examples
 a crime must be punished
while
 others discuss finding another alternative to the
punishment
 system.
However
, I believe that
punishment
 is the best way to combat
crimes
 because some
crimes
 are serious and
lots
 of
people
 do not respect the law unless there are methods that prevent them from committing
crimes
. So, in
this
 article, I will discuss these two reasons.
Firstly
, I believe
punishment
 is the most effective way to make
people
 not think about defying
laws
.
For instance
, a
lot
 of
people
 have bad behaviours and annoyed individuals in spite of existing
laws
. If
did
Wrong verb form
there were
show examples
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
exist
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rules, it would lead
people
 to commit more
crimes
.
Moreover
,
crimes
 are made today by a
lot
 of awful individuals and
this
 crime is serious and
this
 situation requires enforcing
laws
.
For instance
,
crimes
 like killing, fraud and stealing are quite difficult for authorities to ignore and apply smooth
punishment
.
On the other hand
, the second reason is
lots
 of
people
 irresponsible and do not obey the
laws
 without methods to prevent them from corruption.
For instance
,
lots
 of
people
 are scared of rules and think a
lot
 before contrary regulations. If justice is not found that will lead to the spread of
crimes
 in society.
Furthermore
,
lots
 of
crimes
 were not committed by the various
people
, because those
people
 were terrified of the
laws
.
In addition
, all the justice combatants like policemen, judges and lawyers are fully responsible for the security of society.
To conclude
, applying
punishment
 to achieve justice is unavoidable.
Although
, there are simple
crimes
 may deal with it in smooth ways.
In addition
, a
lot
 of governmental institutions
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
repair persons and are
also
 responsible for children who committed
crimes
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Grammar
Be cautious with grammatical errors, as they can occasionally hinder clarity. For example, 'any person committed a crime must be punished while others discuss finding' could be rephrased to 'some argue that any person who commits a crime should be punished, while others believe in finding' for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
It's beneficial to include a wider variety of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. Trying phrases like 'consequently,' 'therefore,' or 'as a result' can add to the coherence of your arguments.
Specific Examples
For an even stronger argument, consider including specific statistics, studies, or historical examples that support your points. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
Sentence Variation
Remember to vary your sentence structures. This doesn't just apply to the types of sentences used, but also their length and complexity. This can make your essay more engaging and easier to read.
Introduction/Conclusion
Good introduction and conclusion, summarizing your views effectively.
Position
You make a clear argument, maintaining your position throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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