In some countries older people are being encouraged to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.
In some
states
older generations are required to continue working even after reaching retirement age. Add a comma
states,
While
Linking Words
this
practice may enhance their financial security and Linking Words
mental-being
, it could potentially impact their Replace the word
mental well-being
overall
Linking Words
health
condition. Use synonyms
Additionally
, it might lead to reduced job opportunities for the younger generations.
Encouraging elders to work continuously can indeed help them sustain their financial security, as they get/receive a salary from their employer. Linking Words
This
is becauseLinking Words
,
in some countries where retirement benefits alone may not be sufficient to meet their financial needs. Many elders find themselves dissatisfied with the funds provided by government retirement programs, making continued employment Remove the comma
apply
crucial
source of income to maintain their financial stability. Correct article usage
a crucial
Additionally
, when older individuals contribute/devote their knowledge and skills to society through work, it often brings them happiness and confidence.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, Linking Words
this
circumstance can negatively impact the Linking Words
health
of older individuals and lead to increased unemployment among younger generations. Older workers may struggle with Use synonyms
health
issues and fatigue, potentially spending more money on healthcare. Use synonyms
Additionally
, younger workers may face challenges in replacing experienced older workers in the workforce, as they often lack the necessary experience. Employers may prefer to hire older staff over new graduates Linking Words
due to
their experience.
Linking Words
To conclude
, securing their financial stability and sustaining their mental Linking Words
health
are benefits when retirees work. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
trend may have negative impacts on their Linking Words
health
, and it could Use synonyms
also
lead to an increase in Linking Words
Correct article usage
the unemployment
unemployment
rate among the youth.Correct article usage
the unemployment
Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
Your essay presents a clear, logically structured argument, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. To enhance your essay further, consider integrating more specific examples to substantiate your points, which would enrich your arguments and provide a more engaging narrative for the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a varied and sophisticated use of connectives to signal relationships between ideas and paragraphs, which will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay. While your essay flows well, greater variability in connectors could enhance readability and the logical flow of arguments.
Task Achievement
When discussing both the positive and negative aspects of older individuals continuing to work, you've provided an effective balance. To elevate your essay to the highest performance levels, strive to offer concrete, detailed examples that illustrate your points. This will enhance the clarity and impact of your argumentation.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main points of your essay, demonstrating a strong grasp of essay structure.
Understanding of Topic
You've demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic, providing a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay suggests careful planning and consideration of how ideas are sequenced and developed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.