The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#two #show #sales #sectors #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The pie charts illustrate the four retail

sector

Change to a plural noun

sectors

show examples

which are (Electronic &

appliance

food

beverage

home

furniture and

video

games

) in Canada in two different years (2005 & 2010)

Overall

, electronic &

appliance

was the highest in the first

year

while

food

beverage

was the highest in the second

year

Video

games

were the least

Correct word choice

popular in

show examples

the first

year

whereas

home

furniture dropped in the second

year

. There was a slight decrease in

electronic

Replace the word

electronics

show examples

appliance

Fix the agreement mistake

appliances

show examples

and

home

furniture,

also

there is an increase in

video

games

and

food

beverage

. The online sales in

food

and

beverage

were 22% in 2005,

then

increased to one-third 32% in 2010.

Video

games

Change the noun form

game

show examples

sales grew from 18% to 23% in 2010. The sales in electronics and

appliance

Fix the agreement mistake

appliances

show examples

were 35% and decreased to 30% in 2010.

While

in 2005

home

furnishing was exactly a quarter

Change preposition

of 25

show examples

% and fell to 15% in 2010.

Submitted by s_syedy on Sun Mar 31 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words appliance, food, beverage, home, video, games, year with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

151 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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