IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. But others think taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football
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It is argued whether
team
sports
 or individual
sports
 bring more benefit for participants. From my point of view, I believe that both have their own specialities to join in which I will discuss
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 in
this
 essay. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, one-player
sports
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 perfect to show a person's strength.
For example
, in boxing, the champion is the one who
defeat
Change the verb form
defeats
show examples
 all of
defenders
Add an article
the defenders
show examples
.
There for
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
sports
, personal abilities are
high
Change preposition
of high
show examples
 value as the core feature leading to victory. Athletes in these fields are required not
to
Rephrase
only to
show examples
 be independent but
also
 self-discipline in high-intensity workouts to
get achievement
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
.
As a result
, the winners in
this
 field are more
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 both in fame, position, salary and exactly, become wealthier quickly.
On the other hand
, players in
team
Add an article
the team
a team
show examples
 are
effortlessly
Replace the adverb
effortless
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victory
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many ways. Members
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
team
 are not alone, they play in strategies
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the weak of one is the strong of the others and vice versa.
Hence
, a member can count on his or her
team
 and has the others's back.
However
, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the victory of a
team
, there just only a few
member
Change to a plural noun
members
show examples
 of it really become
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
For instance
 in football,
just
Rephrase
only
show examples
 some
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
show examples
 like David Beckham or Messi
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stand out
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
team
 and have
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own successful
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Unfortunately, most of the others are usually remembered as
unname
Correct your spelling
unnamed
 players but forgotten after the champion. In summary, I think each kind of
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 has
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 own pros and cons,
team
 or individual sport is just
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number. People should consider before taking part in
rely
Change the verb form
relying
show examples
 on what they want to get from the sport than
decide
Wrong verb form
deciding
show examples
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
show examples
 of
sports
.
Submitted by ntbang25 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clear and logical organization of ideas throughout the essay to enhance coherence. Consider using more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples with specific details to strengthen your argument and illustrate your points more vividly.
Task Response
You successfully discussed both views and provided your own opinion, showing a good understanding of the essay topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively used a comparative structure to discuss the benefits and challenges of both team and individual sports, which helped maintain a clear focus throughout.
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