IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol these days. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

#people #drugs #alcohol
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Consumption of alcohol and substance abuse is a growing concern for our society. It is now a frequent sight in big cities where young
people
Use synonyms
 are drunk or under the influence of
drugs
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. Not only it has caused problems related to
health
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the health
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 of individuals
,
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, but
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it
also
Linking Words
 has rendered many economically weak and dependent. First of all, I think the main
reasons
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reason
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 why the use of
drugs
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 and alcohol is used by young
people
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because
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is because
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to these has become quite easy. All you have to do is, take out your mobile phone, order it on the app and wait for it to get delivered to you in a couple of hours. Young
people
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 are quite good with technology and once they are exposed
with
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to
show examples
such
Linking Words
 apps and websites they tend to get curious about it and
end-up
Correct your spelling
end up
show examples
 ordering
such
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 things. From that point, it is a matter of time until they get addicted to one of these substances.
Moreover
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, it is often seen that
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 few times,
drugs
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 are given free to the users to lure them into addiction.
However
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,
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the goverment
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goverment
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government
 is working actively to spread awareness amongst young
people
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, it is quite
natuaral
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natural
 that good initiatives spread slowly and take time
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to compare
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to something like
drugs
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. I think
,
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apply
show examples
 the best solution for the above problem is to teach about the harmful effects of alcohol and
drugs
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 in schools and universities,
along with
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 helpline numbers for young
people
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 to ask questions about
such
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 issues without
a
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apply
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judgement. Not only
this
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 will ensure
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 usage decreases over the period of time
,
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, but
show examples
it will
also
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 help
catching
Wrong verb form
catch
show examples
 the culprits with the help of
such
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 programs. In my opinion, we need to bring young
people
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 in confidence and use their power to put a halt
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
Linking Words
 activities.
Submitted by maneetgiri1 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you've given a general overview, adding detailed instances can make your essay more convincing.
Language Proficiency
Be cautious with spelling and grammar. Although minor errors won't significantly impact your score, consistent accuracy helps maintain a professional tone throughout your essay.
Language Proficiency
Consider varying your sentence structure more to add sophistication and interest to your essay. While you have a good grasp of sentence formulation, diversifying structures can elevate your writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
You did an excellent job of introducing the topic and outlining the essay's structure, which helps readers follow your argument effortlessly.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task directly, offering both causes and possible solutions, which demonstrates a good understanding of the question asked.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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