IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Playing computer games only has negative effects on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
These days computer
game
Use synonyms
 has effects on children So , some people think that
Correct your spelling
negative
nigative
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negative
 to effects
Body · 1
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
 computer
games
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
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something
somthing
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something
 amazing
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct your spelling
children
childern
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children
Body · 2
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion .
Body · 3
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, computer
games
Use synonyms
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
Correct your spelling
children
chidern
Correct your spelling
children
 power and think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 they
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 the point in the
game
Use synonyms
Body · 4
However
Linking Words
 , it's
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something
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 good to
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children
childern play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 with people and
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in
Add a hyphen
in-game
show examples
Use synonyms
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
Body · 5
For example
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 , they can
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get
show examples
ger
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get
show examples
 money
form
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from
show examples
 the
game
Use synonyms
 So ,
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that's
thats
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that
 why some think that to keep
childer
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children
show examples
 playing
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 the
Correct your spelling
parents
perents
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parents
see tho
Verb problem
think
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 fine
Body · 6
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the
games
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
maybe
mybe is
Verb problem
may
show examples
 not good
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
chilern
Correct your spelling
children
 we can't see they play
games
Use synonyms
 with
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 is
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just
gost
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so
 you
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should
shoud
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should
 be
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careful
carefull
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careful
 when they play
Conclusion
In
Change preposition
To
show examples
 illustrate , the
game
Use synonyms
effect childer
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affects children
show examples
like
Change preposition
by
show examples
wast
Correct your spelling
wasting
show examples
 time and could they be
engery
Correct your spelling
energy
angry
 all the time
hence
Linking Words
 the

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introduction clarity
Make sure to introduce your main arguments clearly in the introduction to provide a clear outline of your essay.
idea development
Try to develop your ideas further by adding more details, examples, or explanations to support your points.
paragraph structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is supported by further explanation or examples.
connecting ideas
Work on connecting your ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Using linking words and phrases can help with the flow of your essay.
spelling and grammar
Be careful with spelling, punctuation, and grammar to ensure your essay is as clear and understandable as possible.
conclusion
Your essay would benefit from a distinct conclusion that summarises your views and answers the essay question directly.
engagement
You've engaged with both views of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
use of examples
You have attempted to give specific examples, which is great for illustrating your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • spatial awareness
  • hand-eye coordination
  • reaction times
  • social isolation
  • detrimental effects
  • behavior and attitude
  • multiplayer and online games
  • fostering
  • addiction
  • obesity
  • eyestrain
  • prolonged screen time
What to do next:
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