IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremly high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that goverments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #goverments #level
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most countries give their civilians an average
salary
, but some civilians receive a lot of
money
. They believe that it is very optional for the
country
, but others believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must set an average amount
salary
 for everybody in the
country
. First of all, everybody in the world is employed, and basically, employment always includes a
salary
. And each job has a different amount of
money
 to give to their employers.
For instance
, police officers and soldiers. Both of these jobs have a risk
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 life. But soldiers receive more
money
 than the police officers. Because when war begins soldiers have to defend their
country
, but policemen will have to stay in the
country
 and bring order to chaos among crime. So that's why different professions have their own
salary
. But
on the other hand
, we can see a political ideology that contains a lifestyle of socialism. The Communism had same ideology, which meant that every employee had the same
salary
. The Communists believed that no matter who you are in government, you must have the same
money
 as a typical employee. But unfortunately,
this
 great ideology disappeared. Because some people didn't work properly and they were getting the same
money
 as people who worked normally. So oppositioners of socialism rejected that and destroyed Communism. From my point of view, everybody should get the same
money
 as their job requires.
For instance
, if you work more so your
salary
 will be high.
Submitted by nigora1629 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider providing a more balanced discussion on both views before expressing your own opinion. This helps in meeting the task requirement more comprehensively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to enhance your introduction by clearly stating the topic and summarizing the main points of discussion. This sets a clearer direction for your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to include a conclusion that summarizes your discussion and reinforces your personal standpoint to effectively close the essay.
Language
Using a variety of sentence structures and more precise vocabulary can add clarity and sophistication to your points.
Task Achievement
You successfully presented examples to support your main points, which adds depth to your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure within paragraphs is clear, making it easier to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: