IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think museums and art galleries should show works of art and history from their own country rather than from diff erent parts of the world. Do you agree or disagree ?

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It is argued that
museums
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 and art galleries should only exhibit cultural and historical
works
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 of their own country
instead
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 of
works
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 of other nations in the world. In my opinion, I partly agree with
this
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 idea. On the one hand, there are many reasons why
the
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apply
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museums
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 should display national masterpieces which show the specific cultural values of each country.
Firstly
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, not only do literature
works
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 and artworks signify long-lasting history, but they
also
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 contain valuable lessons
of
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about
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ethnicities
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the ethnicities
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 of each nation.
Therefore
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, through the exhibitions of
museums
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 and art galleries, these
works
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 can
instill
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instil
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 moral values into young people and develop their patriotism.
Secondly
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, tourism in countries can be advertised worldwide via the exhibiting pictures of cultures.
As a result
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, the economy
as well as
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 communities can be improved and ameliorated.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, many national
museums
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 are established and constructed in order to show the cultural quintessence.
On the other hand
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, there are some arguments which explain reasons why
works
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 of other countries are nominated and learned in the curriculum.
This
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 can be explained by obvious benefits. First of all,
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works
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the works
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 of other nations can help people enhance
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their horizon
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horizon
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horizons
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 about
world
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the world
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as well as
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 other cultures.
For example
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, literature
works
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 written by foreign authors are compulsory in the curriculum of Vietnam.
In addition
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, there are conferences held so as to introduce
works
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 of other countries. In conclusion, I believe that
museums
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 and art galleries should put more of an emphasis on
works
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of
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from
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 their own country rather than
works
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of
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from
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the
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apply
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other parts
in
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of
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 the world.

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Task Achievement
Craft a more precise thesis statement in your introduction to guide readers. Mention briefly both views you plan to discuss.
Task Achievement
Try to include more concrete examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and provides a clearer understanding of your viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make use of a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument which meets the task requirement well.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a good logical structure to your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The inclusion of both advantages and disadvantages of featuring national and international works in museums and galleries shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national heritage
  • promote
  • preserve
  • cultural diversity
  • global understanding
  • educate
  • inspire
  • exhibits
  • foreign
  • tourism
  • balance
  • comprehensive
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