Many people think that public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media, such as softwares, DVDs or videos. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #libraries #books #waste #money #media #softwares #dvds #videos

The

technology

development

is a big challenge globally. It touches all aspects of human life, including the

development

library

Add an article

the library

show examples

This

comes

ubiquitious

Correct your spelling

ubiquitous

where everything is going to be well developed with

technology

Majority

Correct article usage

The majority

show examples

of people think

that is

unnecessary for public

libraries

provide

Fix the infinitive

to provide

show examples

books only rather than expensive hi-tech

media

. Based on

this

occassion

Correct your spelling

occasion

this

essay exhibits strongly disagree with those majority of people.

First,

technology

is inevitable. Every human can not avoid

technology

due to

the newest

technology

always being up to date.

Technology

has touched every aspect of

human's

Change noun form

human

show examples

life. If somebody can not keep in touch with the

technology

, they will get lost in their life. The

development

has already

vast

Correct article usage

a vast

show examples

range

developed

Verb problem

apply

show examples

, public

libraries

should be a great place to learn more about the newest

technology

Library's

Change noun form

Library

show examples

patron

Fix the agreement mistake

patrons

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public

libraries

will get

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to learn more about the most

up to date

Add a hyphen

up-to-date

show examples

things in

this

universe. Meanwhile, hi-tech

media

such

softwares

Correct your spelling

software

, DVDs, and videos are good things for learning activities.

This

implies

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

technology

development

pay

Correct subject-verb agreement

pays

show examples

attention to the outcome

learning

Change preposition

of learning

show examples

. With the wide range of choices for

media

learning,

library

users will be more satisfied with the public

libraries

Change noun form

libraries'

library's

show examples

performance.

In particular

, it does not mean that

physical

Correct article usage

a physical

show examples

book is not an essential thing, but we

also

have various alternatives for developing our literacy activities. In conclusion, public

libraries

only provide books

such

a bad idea. It will get lack of learning new

technology

development

. Notably,

that is

not a great idea because what

library

patron

Fix the agreement mistake

patrons

show examples

see about

library

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

will be so boring.

Therefore

, we should conduct hi-tech

media

in our public

libraries

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Apr 01 2024

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task achievement

Try to develop your argument with more specific examples and details. While you've mentioned the importance of staying up-to-date with technology and the benefit of hi-tech media in libraries, incorporating real-world examples or studies would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a more varied sentence structure and vocabulary. This diversity will make your writing more engaging and sophisticated, enhancing the overall quality.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetitions by finding synonyms and paraphrasing. This will improve the readability of your essay and demonstrate your language proficiency.

coherence cohesion

You've effectively stated your opinion and provided a clear introduction and conclusion, laying a good foundation for your argument.

coherence cohesion

You've made good use of paragraphs to structure your essay, which helps in organizing the content and presenting your ideas in a logical manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media, such as softwares, DVDs or videos. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems.sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?