Many people think that public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media, such as softwares, DVDs or videos. Do you agree or disagree?

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The
technology
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development
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is a big challenge globally. It touches all aspects of human life, including the
development
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of
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library
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the library
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.
This
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comes
ubiquitious
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ubiquitous
where everything is going to be well developed with
technology
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.
Majority
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The majority
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of people think
that is
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unnecessary for public
libraries
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provide
Fix the infinitive
to provide
show examples
books only rather than expensive hi-tech
media
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. Based on
this
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occassion
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occasion
,
this
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essay exhibits strongly disagree with those majority of people.
First,
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technology
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is inevitable. Every human can not avoid
technology
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due to
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the newest
technology
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always being up to date.
Technology
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has touched every aspect of
human's
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human
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life. If somebody can not keep in touch with the
technology
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, they will get lost in their life. The
development
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has already
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
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range
developed
Verb problem
apply
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, public
libraries
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should be a great place to learn more about the newest
technology
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.
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Library's
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Library
show examples
patron
Fix the agreement mistake
patrons
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in
the
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apply
show examples
public
libraries
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will get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
to learn more about the most
up to date
Add a hyphen
up-to-date
show examples
things in
this
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universe. Meanwhile, hi-tech
media
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,
such
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as
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
, DVDs, and videos are good things for learning activities.
This
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implies
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
technology
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development
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pay
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pays
show examples
attention to the outcome
learning
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of learning
show examples
. With the wide range of choices for
media
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learning,
library
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users will be more satisfied with the public
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libraries
Change noun form
libraries'
library's
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performance.
In particular
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, it does not mean that
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
show examples
book is not an essential thing, but we
also
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have various alternatives for developing our literacy activities. In conclusion, public
libraries
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only provide books
such
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a bad idea. It will get lack of learning new
technology
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development
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. Notably,
that is
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not a great idea because what
library
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patron
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patrons
show examples
see about
library
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stuffs
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stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
will be so boring.
Therefore
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, we should conduct hi-tech
media
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in our public
libraries
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.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Try to develop your argument with more specific examples and details. While you've mentioned the importance of staying up-to-date with technology and the benefit of hi-tech media in libraries, incorporating real-world examples or studies would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more varied sentence structure and vocabulary. This diversity will make your writing more engaging and sophisticated, enhancing the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitions by finding synonyms and paraphrasing. This will improve the readability of your essay and demonstrate your language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively stated your opinion and provided a clear introduction and conclusion, laying a good foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've made good use of paragraphs to structure your essay, which helps in organizing the content and presenting your ideas in a logical manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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