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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two maps below show the changes that have taken place in the town of Westley since 1815. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.1.

The two maps below show the changes that have taken place in the town of Westley since 1815. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.1.
#two #maps #show #changes #place #town #westley #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The both
Remove the article
Both
show examples
 maps demonstrate the Westley
city
Use synonyms
 before and after the development. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is clearly seen that
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 witnessed dramatic changes over the period.
Railway
Correct article usage
A railway
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constructed
Add a missing verb
was constructed
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 to the south of the Westley when trees
in
Change preposition
on
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 the left of the lake were chopped down and replaced with Housing Estate.
Also
Linking Words
, houses in the
city
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 were demolished in order to construct Business Area. Moving to a more detailed analysis, fields,
bridge
Correct article usage
the bridge
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 on the way to London and
western
Correct article usage
the western
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 part of the road were removed
due to
Linking Words
 the construction of
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
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 and
main
Correct article usage
the main
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rail way
Correct your spelling
railway
show examples
 station. Lord Westley's house
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 replaced with The Red Lion and Hotel,
while
Linking Words
 the lake, market, Town hall and the village to the northeast side of the
city
Use synonyms
 were the only parts which remained the same during the period. In terms of other changes,
roadway
Add an article
the roadway
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 was prolonged to the south of the
city
Use synonyms
 and ended at
Shopping
Correct article usage
the Shopping
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, Business and Residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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,
while
Linking Words
 The Coach Inn was knocked down and replaced with 2 buildings as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 private house, with
Correct article usage
a sport
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 center and museum.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • residential area
  • amenities
  • thoroughfare
  • connectivity
  • industrial development
  • factory
  • public amenities
  • recreational facilities
  • educational facilities
  • residential expansion
  • apartment blocks
  • commercial activity
  • shopping centers
  • restaurants
  • single-family homes
  • development
  • open field
  • noticeable change
  • replacing
  • establishment
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