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Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part if high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To waht extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children #waht
Many
people
 think that
service
 learning and volunteering have to be a part of any high school programme. I totally agree with
this
 statement, since, in my opinion,
such
 practices have zero disadvantages and
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of advantages. Someone can say there is no need
in including
Change preposition
to include
show examples
community
service
 in the school curriculum , as it’s not really helpful for
students
 and can be
replased
Correct your spelling
replaced
 by other much more beneficial lessons.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
 is their only argument. I think those
people
 just don’t know how many advantages
this
 experience has and how useful it can be for society. In my mind, volunteering
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
 is beneficial not only for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 they help,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
but
also
 for themselves.
Such
 practices give learners many skills that can be useful in any stage of their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 and may help them in
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 of different problems. During these practices
students
 not only make new friends,
moreover
, they
also
 gain invaluable experience of working in
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
 with
people
 they don’t know. As
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a student
students
show examples
students
 of a school which has
community
service
 as a part of its learning programme, I can state that
this
 experience helped me to improve my communication and collaboration skills and
also
 opened my eyes
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some large social and environmental problems,
such
 as homelessness, unemployment and different
tupes
Correct your spelling
types
 of natural pollution.
To sum up
,
community
service
 is not really necessary, but very useful practice with no drawbacks. It helps
students
in solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 their life issues and
communicating
Wrong verb form
communicate
show examples
 with
people
 of different life and financial situations.
Submitted by vgaidar2505 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've mentioned the benefits of community service, including real-life examples or statistical evidence could strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for typos and grammatical errors, such as 'replased' instead of 'replaced', 'students of a school' could be simplified to 'a student at a school', and 'tupes' corrected to 'types'. These minor errors can slightly detract from the professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs and sections. This will help guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
You did a great job of structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
Your essay strongly makes the case for the benefits of community service, effectively responding to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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