In recent years, there has been growing interests in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?
#years #interests #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success
In my opinion, both views are something that needs to
be balance
. The reason is, Change the verb form
be balanced
personal
Correct word choice
that personal
achievements
are important for competition
leading to a higher chance of reaching goals. However
, equality
will also
help with teamwork and a better understanding of respect. There are benefits and disadvantages for these two topics that can be briefly discuss
.
Change the verb form
be briefly discussed
Firstly
, achieving something individually helps getting
a greater experience of success and Wrong verb form
get
fail
before the final goal arrives. Replace the word
failure
In addition
, people will learn and study more from their past mistakes and try to be better. Secondly
, people with greater achievements
will be viewed as an example more others
. Therefore
, leading to more competition
and a higher chance of accomplishment.
However
, equality
play
the most Change the verb form
plays
parts
because the point of view of people will be the same and Fix the agreement mistake
part
balance
. Wrong verb form
balanced
Additionally
, this
will help them increase their teamwork and performance by others
helps
. Verb problem
apply
Moreover
, equality
would not lead to bad competition
and overcoming challenges instead
will create more achievements
with the help of others
.
In conclusion, there are benefits and disadvantages in
both views. Personal Change preposition
to
achievements
are better at enhancing competition
leading to success while
equality
helps with a successful performance in terms of teamwork. In contrast
, it is important to standardize both views by helping others
in their achievement and view others
in rivalry to enhance a successful goal.Submitted by lydiaia on
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Introduction Clarity
Try to clarify your position in relation to the prompt more explicitly in the introduction. It will help the reader understand your viewpoint from the beginning.
Linking Words
In order to enhance coherence and cohesion, make use of a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will make the transitions between ideas smoother and your argumentation clearer.
Specific Examples
Adding more specific examples to support your arguments can enrich your essay. These examples provide concrete evidence that strengthens your claims.
Analysis Depth
To improve task achievement, try to delve deeper into the prompt's question. Discussing the relationship between equality and personal success with more detailed analysis could provide more depth to your essay.
Conclusion Clarity
When concluding, reiterate your main points briefly and ensure your final stance on the topic is clear. This reinforces the argument you've made throughout your essay.
Balanced Understanding
You acknowledged the importance of balancing personal achievements and equality, which shows a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Structure
Your essay demonstrates a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Balanced Argument
You've effectively discussed both sides of the argument, which is commendable for a balanced viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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