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Band 5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
Contemporary society is known as the era of well-being. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether shops should not be allowed to sell any
food
 or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be detrimental to an individual’s
health
 are raised. In my opinion, selling any eating products should be regulated to some extent. Irrefutably, controlled
food
 sales can improve personal
health
.
This
 is because individuals
become
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 hard to access unhealthy groceries and beverages.
This
 obviously leads to the natural purchase of healthy products and
this
 in turn allows consumers to experience weight loss, high concentration, and better
health
 conditions. What is more,
although
 heavy
food
 regulation encourages illegal retail, appropriate
food
 regulation can prevent over-expenses. To exemplify, big fans of instant
food
 no longer purchase plenty of snacks and sodas and hardly store significant quantities of harmful
food
 in their pantry.
This
,
therefore
, leads to saving living costs.
Nevertheless
, the rights of consumers are crucial. In order words, since a purchase decision about harmful
food
 is made by customers, they need to check information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
 components, so they have responsibility for the consequences.
To conclude
, the rights of consumers are crucial but controlled
food
 sales can improve personal
health
 and appropriate
food
 regulation can prevent over-expenses.
Thus
, selling any groceries and beverages should be regulated.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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task response
Develop your ideas a bit further by providing more detailed examples. While you have provided good rationale, elaborating with specific, real-world instances could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that your essay flows seamlessly from one idea to the next. Using a wider range of connecting words and phrases could enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and effectively summarize your argument.
argumentation
You have presented a well-reasoned viewpoint, clearly explaining the reasons behind your opinion.
language use
You successfully used a variety of sentence structures to convey your ideas, which makes your essay engaging to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
What to do next:
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