IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
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Contemporary society is known as the era of well-being. From
this
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 aspect, questions about whether shops should not be allowed to sell any
food
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 or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be detrimental to an individual’s
health
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 are raised. In my opinion, selling any eating products should be regulated to some extent. Irrefutably, controlled
food
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 sales can improve personal
health
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.
This
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 is because individuals
become
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 hard to access unhealthy groceries and beverages.
This
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 obviously leads to the natural purchase of healthy products and
this
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 in turn allows consumers to experience weight loss, high concentration, and better
health
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 conditions. What is more,
although
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 heavy
food
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 regulation encourages illegal retail, appropriate
food
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 regulation can prevent over-expenses. To exemplify, big fans of instant
food
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 no longer purchase plenty of snacks and sodas and hardly store significant quantities of harmful
food
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 in their pantry.
This
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,
therefore
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, leads to saving living costs.
Nevertheless
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, the rights of consumers are crucial. In order words, since a purchase decision about harmful
food
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 is made by customers, they need to check information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
food
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 components, so they have responsibility for the consequences.
To conclude
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, the rights of consumers are crucial but controlled
food
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 sales can improve personal
health
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 and appropriate
food
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 regulation can prevent over-expenses.
Thus
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, selling any groceries and beverages should be regulated.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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task response
Develop your ideas a bit further by providing more detailed examples. While you have provided good rationale, elaborating with specific, real-world instances could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that your essay flows seamlessly from one idea to the next. Using a wider range of connecting words and phrases could enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and effectively summarize your argument.
argumentation
You have presented a well-reasoned viewpoint, clearly explaining the reasons behind your opinion.
language use
You successfully used a variety of sentence structures to convey your ideas, which makes your essay engaging to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
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