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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many university students live with their families while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations

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Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions
pupils
Use synonyms
 live together
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others live away from
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 because their
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions are in
kind
Add an article
a kind
the kind
show examples
 of places. There are a lot of advantages and disadvantages of both conditions. From one perspective,
students
Use synonyms
 live together
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 families. It is very good for
pupils
Use synonyms
 because they
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
miss
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suffer difficult challenges, lack
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money,
hungry
Replace the word
hunger
show examples
,
anxiety
Correct word choice
or anxiety
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
. They will be
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
, especially
Use synonyms
parents
Correct word choice
if parents
show examples
 do not worry
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
care, carefully
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
offspring
Correct pronoun usage
their offspring
show examples
 at
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 .
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
students
Use synonyms
 think only
education
Use synonyms
 knowledge,
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not hazardous , bad hurt ideology, notion because mothers and fathers
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 adrenaline, strong motivation , big care for
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
. Others do not live with families because will not be might university in their country or
further
Linking Words
 to university their home , in
this
Linking Words
 situation , many
students
Use synonyms
 live in
flats
Use synonyms
. They have very much leisure time and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 homework .
This
Linking Words
 place
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
and
pupils
Use synonyms
 concentrate. In their free time, go to the
student centred
Add a hyphen
student-centred
show examples
education
Use synonyms
. From another angle, if
students
Use synonyms
live
Correct your spelling
leave
show examples
their mothers and fathers
while
Linking Words
 have not time for homework, go to the add subjects. Meanwhile do not continue private interests.
Pupils
Use synonyms
 live
further
Linking Words
 from
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 , they pay extremely much money
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
flats
Use synonyms
 and will be
might
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sick , ill because in currently,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 cold, bad
flats
Use synonyms
. Every year all
Use synonyms
students
Correct article usage
the students
show examples
 live
Linking Words
Change preposition
in this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
flats
Use synonyms
 so they do not fix , there are vital
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in
flat
Correct article usage
the flat
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many
students
Use synonyms
 today. They live with their
parents
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others live away from
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 because their universities are in
kind
Add an article
a kind
the kind
show examples
 of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes its main idea.
task achievement
Work on providing specific examples to strengthen your points. These can be hypothetical situations, personal experiences, or known facts.
general
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and understanding. Revising your work or practicing with grammar exercises could be helpful.
task achievement
You have presented both viewpoints on the issue, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You attempt to conclude your essay, summarizing the discussed points, which is a good practice.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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