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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many university students live with their families while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?

#university #students #families #home #universities #places #situations
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Some educational institution
pupils
Use synonyms
 live
together with
Linking Words
 their
parents
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others live away from the house because their educational institutions are in a kind of place. There are a lot of advantages and disadvantages of both conditions. From one perspective,
students
Use synonyms
 live
together with
Linking Words
 their families. It is very good for
pupils
Use synonyms
 because they do not suffer difficult challenges, a lack of money, hunger, or anxiety from their
parents
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. They will be healthy, especially if
parents
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 do not worry about their children and care carefully for their offspring at the house .
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
students
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 think only educational knowledge is not hazardous because mothers and fathers give adrenaline, strong motivation and big care for their children. Others do not live with families because they might be studying at university in their city or
further
Linking Words
 to university their home. In
this
Linking Words
 case, many
students
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 live in
flats
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. They have very much leisure time and do homework.
This
Linking Words
 place may be quiet and
pupils
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 can concentrate. In their free time, they may go to the student-centred education. From another angle, if
students
Use synonyms
 leave their mothers and fathers,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 time for homework and go to the extracurricular subjects. Meanwhile,
students
Use synonyms
 do not continue
private
Correct pronoun usage
their private
show examples
 interests.
Pupils
Use synonyms
 live
further
Linking Words
 from their
parents
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. They pay extremely much money for their
flats
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 and will be ill because currently, have cold, bad
flats
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. Every year all the
students
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 live in these
flats
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 so they do not fix , there are vital issues in the flat. In conclusion, there are many
students
Use synonyms
 today. Some live with their
parents
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others live away from the house because their universities are in a kind of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Task Achievement
Consider offering more concrete examples to support your arguments. This will help in providing a more robust discussion on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in terminology throughout your essay to enhance clarity. For instance, stick to one term when referring to 'students' instead of switching between 'students', 'pupils', and 'offspring'.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your essay, consider reorganizing some sections to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
Task Achievement
It's beneficial to explore both sides of the argument equally. Make sure you dedicate similar lengths of discussion to both the advantages and disadvantages.
Task Achievement
Your essay begins with a clear introduction of the topic, which is a commendable start.
Task Achievement
You've tried to cover both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good attempt at responding to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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