IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given line chart illustrates the information and rates
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom for the previous years.
As well as
Linking Words
 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 four types of
crime
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
Overall
Linking Words
, most criminal activities have been done by youths and violent
crime
Use synonyms
 have taken the most percent of all types of crimes.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, around 20 years old have committed the most
crime
Use synonyms
 with a rate of 80 thousand rates. Following that, teens whose ages are around 16 have committed
Use synonyms
Add an article
the crime
a crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
rate
Add an article
the rate
a rate
show examples
 of 70 thousand which is the second highest in the chart. Crimes committed by 24s were 6000. And, compared to these ages, ages that have not
mentioned
Add a missing verb
been mentioned
show examples
 were low.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie
chat
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
, at first glance, 46% of all types of
crime
Use synonyms
 have belonged to violent illegal acts. Property
crime
Use synonyms
 and drug
crime
Use synonyms
 were almost the same with
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
23% and 22%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, public order
crime
Use synonyms
 was the lowest in the pie chart with 9% of all wrong actions in the previous year in Britain.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words crime with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • The line graph depicts
  • The pie chart illustrates
  • reveals
  • displays
  • depicts
  • the trend of
  • the overall crime rate
  • steadily decreased
  • the distribution of
  • different types of crime
  • prevalent
  • accounts for
  • the most common crime
  • followed by
  • make up
  • a smaller proportion of
  • the total crimes
  • a smaller percentage
  • approximately
  • the remaining percentage
  • It is important to note that
  • reflects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: