Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #television #influences #behavior #amount #time

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Although

many people state that what shows on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

’s programs have

impact

Add an article

an impact

show examples

children

’s treatment, others believe that

long

Correct article usage

the long

show examples

hours that they spend watching

affects

Correct subject-verb agreement

affect

show examples

their

conducts

Fix the agreement mistake

conduct

show examples

. In my point of view, I consider that the long time that

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

sitting

to watch

Change the verb form

watching

show examples

is more effective on their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. On the one hand, with

development

Correct article usage

the development

show examples

of technology

is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one of

amusing

Correct article usage

the amusing

show examples

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

which is

produced

Wrong verb form

produce

show examples

various types of programs

due to

fact

Correct article usage

the fact

show examples

that

entertain

Correct subject-verb agreement

entertains

show examples

people in every age group. Some programs like series, movies and the news are more

favorable

Change the spelling

favourable

show examples

for

children

in comparison with specific shows which are created for their ages.

While many

Correct word choice

Many

show examples

of those series

including violence

Replace the word

include violent

show examples

content and definitely have

effect

Add an article

an effect

show examples

on their manner. In

this

case,

children

imitate the

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

they

seen

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

on screen and attempt to act like them.

For instance

, if a person yells and swears in a movie,

children

learn them and use

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

specially

Replace the word

especially

show examples

at school.

On the other hand

TV’s

Change noun form

show examples

shows grab

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

attention

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

they prefer to spend all

days

Fix the agreement mistake

day

show examples

to watch

Change the verb form

watching

show examples

them and

this

is the side which I

taken

Add the auxiliary verb

took

have taken

show examples

. Spending long hours

to watch

Change the verb form

watching

show examples

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

shows not only

influence

Correct subject-verb agreement

influences

show examples

their conduct but

also

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

effect on their health.

Children

should play outside rather

that

Correct word choice

than

show examples

sit in front of a screen all day which makes them more inactive and

weaken

Correct subject-verb agreement

weakens

show examples

body.

Consequently

instead

socialize

Wrong verb form

socialising

show examples

with others,

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

outside to

active

Replace the word

activate

show examples

their body and

focus

Wrong verb form

focusing

show examples

on their education, they become addicted to watching

TV’s

Change noun form

show examples

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

which would be seriously difficult to quit. In conclusion,

while

some people think that the content of

program impact on their conduct, I suppose that strongly the long amount of time they spend watching

would affect their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on Tue Apr 02 2024

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Task Achievement

You've provided a good balance discussing both views and your opinion. Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your stance for enhanced task achievement.

Task Achievement

In future essays, try to provide more specific examples to fully support your arguments. This strengthens your task achievement score.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay flows well, but consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

Check for minor grammatical errors and word choice to improve clarity. For example, "spend sitting to watch TV" could be clearer as "time spent sitting in front of the TV".

Coherence & Cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points. Ensure every paragraph supports your overall argument to maintain a logical structure throughout.

Coherence & Cohesion

Good use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame your essay.

Task Achievement

Effective discussion of both views and clear expression of your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that tourist should accept social and environmental responsibility while other believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Eco-tourism often involves visiting remote and fragile ecosystems, which raises concerns about the impact on local cultures and indigenous communities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be resolved?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement protecting the environment is the responsibility of government use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In the past, school children usually learnt by listening to their teacher and by studying their books. Nowadays, many school children learn by using technology in the classroom instead. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?