Levels of consumer debt are increasing across the world. To address this, a new subject should be introduced in secondary schools: how to manage personal finances. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
It is apodictic that
due to
the influence of materialistic society; everyone becomes the passenger of same
boat by using money to buy new things without thinking that they are Change the article
the same
trapping
in the net of debt. Wrong verb form
trapped
Thus
, it is the need of time to teach the new generation that
how to use Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
money wisely, which would be more influential if taught as a part of the curriculum.
To commence with, it will be a great step towards the personal growth of the youngsters if they know, how to manage personal expenses. Correct article usage
apply
For example
; they will only buy those things which they really need and don't insist if their parents can't afford
. Correct pronoun usage
afford them
As a result
; they will learn the importance of money at very
young age and become prudent buyers. Add an article
a very
Moreover
; an introduction of
the subject would financial literacy from an adult age, Change preposition
to
which
not only Correct pronoun usage
apply
enable
the students to make informed decisions about saving, budgeting and investing but Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
also
raise
their confidence: Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
Therefore
; they get ready for the real-world challenges of financial management, potentially reducing reliance on high-interest loans and credit cards.
However
; many folks opine that it is the
Correct article usage
a
wastage
of time for those students who are good at mathematics because they will find it easy and can secure more marks. It would be Replace the word
waste
the
hurdle for those learners who find it difficult and will put all their efforts Correct article usage
a
in
learning these courses only. Change preposition
into
Besides
that, many educators argue that the
children are Correct article usage
apply
immatur
to learn about managing finances before the age of 18. Despite all that, I believe that introducing financial subjects is much more beneficial than its drawbacks.
Correct your spelling
immature
To Conclude
, to tackle with
the issue of financial obligation, it is Change preposition
apply
the
need Correct article usage
apply
of
an hour to teach upcoming generations Change preposition
apply
that
how to manage Correct word choice
apply
expenses
of daily life.Correct article usage
the expenses
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language use
Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your writing. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
task response
While the inclusion of examples is beneficial, strive to connect these examples more directly to the main argument for a stronger impact. It's important that each example clearly supports your point.
grammatical accuracy
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors that can distract from your overall message. Proofreading your essay can help catch these mistakes.
organization
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and your conclusion neatly wraps up your argument, exhibiting strong organizational skills.
task response
You've provided a clear opinion on the topic, which is good. Your stance is evident throughout the essay, making your argument coherent and persuasive.
subject knowledge
You made a strong case for the inclusion of personal finance management in school curriculum, demonstrating your ability to discuss relevant and insightful points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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