IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates the yearly earnings in three various categories named
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Amanine Bakers,
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
 and Bold Cakery in Calgary from 2000 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the amending bakers and bold cakery experienced substantial growth over 11 years of the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
Mari
Use synonyms
bakeshop
Use synonyms
 decreased. The unit of measurement is dollars.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 2000, the Amandine Bakery and
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
 were at nearly $60000 and almost $80000 respectively. In the meantime, the Amandine Bakers's earnings remained stable until 2005.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it had a sharp rise, reaching to above $100000. The amount in dollars is higher than others at all times.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
 saw modest growth and peaked at above $87000 in 2004.
However
Linking Words
, it had a dramatic decline, accounting for $60000 in 2007 and it decreased again to $40000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Looking at details, the yearly earnings for Amandine Bakery were at n $20000 at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 it grew two times in 2003.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it remained stable from 2003 to 2006.
In addition
Linking Words
, it experienced a steady rise by one-third in two years between 2006 and 2008, reported above $60000.
Finally
Linking Words
, it upward to under $65000, increasing by nearly $5000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 in question.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words mari, bakeshop, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: