Nowadays, many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children？

#people #access #computers #children #video #games #children？

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Nowadays, Rapidly increasing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

technological advancement

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

our life

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apply

show examples

easier. Most of the people have access to

computer

Add an article

a computer

the computer

show examples

. because of that, Some of the

children's

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children

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

addicted to

video

games

. In

this

essay, I will discuss why playing

games

can boost our

brain

and memory power and why it can eventually be disadvantageous if we

paly

Correct your spelling

play

show examples

too much. Gaming is really

workout

Correct article usage

a workout

show examples

for our mind disguised

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show examples

fun. Studies have shown that playing

video

games

regularly may increase

gray

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grey

show examples

matter in

brain

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the brain

show examples

and boost

brain

connectivity. Most people play

video

game

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games

show examples

for entertainment

purpose

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purposes

show examples

. In

this

contemporary world,

people's

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people

show examples

are so busy they do not have time for outdoor

games

so, they prefer to play

video

games

. It is best for killing time and

best

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the best

show examples

refreshment for them.

On the other hand

, Playing

video

games

has some

disadavantages

Correct your spelling

disadvantages

too. Playing

video

game

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games

show examples

too much

make

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makes

show examples

us addicted to

games

and

this

may

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

our daily routine. Various Studies

shows

Correct subject-verb agreement

show

show examples

that Playing too

much

Correct quantifier usage

many

show examples

computer

games

causes physical

damages

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damage

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and

increasing

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increases

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anxeity

Correct your spelling

anxiety

and depression.

Historycially

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Historically

speaking,

children's

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children

show examples

who are addicted to

video

games

have

high

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a high

show examples

heart beat

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heartbeat

show examples

and blood pressure

due to

too much excitement and stress.

Finally

This

essay argued that playing

games

can boost our

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

while

playing too much game cause mental and physical problems. In my opinion, playing

video

games

for

short

Add an article

a short

show examples

period of time will

benifit

Correct your spelling

benefit

children's

Change noun form

children

show examples

Submitted by bibekluitel758 on Wed Apr 03 2024

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Structure

Try to maintain a clear and direct structure in your essay. Organizing your paragraphs more coherently will help your argument to flow more logically.

Introduction/Conclusion

Work on a clearer introduction and conclusion. Make sure your thesis statement and your final stance are explicit.

Specific Examples

Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Examples make your claims more convincing and are essential for a high score.

Grammar/Spelling

Be mindful of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as these can make your essay harder to understand. While small inaccuracies have been overlooked, continual improvement in accuracy will enhance your overall communication.

Balanced Argument

You've done well to address both sides of the argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games.

Content Understanding

Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and an attempt to discuss relevant ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

232 words

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Nowadays, many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children？

Fully explain your ideas

Do the advantages of the government spending their money on college and university fees for students outweigh the disadvantages?

Number of children who drop the school is increasing in some countries. What are the reasons and solution to overcome the problem

some people believe its best to accept a bad situation , such as unsatusfactory job or shortage of money , others argue that is better to try an improve such .

Schools should stop using books for teaching to learn as they find them boring, and use films, TV and computers instead. To what extent do you agree with this?