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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows CO2 emissions for different forms of transport in the European Union. The pie chart shows the percentage of European union funds being spent on different forms of transport.

The graph below shows CO2 emissions for different forms of transport in the European Union. The pie chart shows the percentage of European union funds being spent on different forms of transport.
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The graph represents the amount of CO2 emitted by the various means of transport in the European Union,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart illustrates the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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proportion
Use synonyms
 of money used for the various modes of transport by the European Union.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the bar
graph
Add a comma
graph,
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it is clear that
Linking Words
 air made the highest CO2 emissions, whilst
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
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 chart
tells
Verb problem
shows
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 that
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
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 percentage of
EU
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
 was utilized by roads. With regard to
bar
Add an article
the bar
a bar
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 graph, personal cars emitted 125
grams
Use synonyms
 of CO2 per passenger and just half of it were buses with a contribution of 72
grams
Use synonyms
 of CO2 per passenger.
Furthermore
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, coaches had
a
Change the article
the
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 smallest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 around 40
grams
Use synonyms
 of CO2 per passenger
whereas
Linking Words
 maritime and rail had similar proportions which
lies
Change the verb form
lie
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 just below 50
grams
Use synonyms
 of CO2.
However
Linking Words
, air is the highest CO2 emitter with a figure of 375
grams
Use synonyms
 of CO2. Moving towards the pie chart, the maximum
proportion
Use synonyms
(52%) of
EU
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
 were used for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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road construction and 31% of
EU
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
 were utilized for the maintenance of railways.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
EU
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
 invested in the public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
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 had a
proportion
Use synonyms
 of a tenth.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Intermodal, Inland waterways, Ports and Airports had a negligible
proportion
Use synonyms
 in terms of
EU
Use synonyms
funds
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words co, proportion, eu, funds, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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