The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The graph illustrates the Australian employees by their job kinds and genders in

Add an article

the previous

show examples

year. The professions are divided into 7 categories.

Overall

it is clear that

male workers are dominating most of the scales. In terms of women, clerical is the most common job among them slightly more than males.

By contrast

, tradespeople and production are the occupations that are least worked by them.

Whereas

men

are five-fold more than them in production and in

tradespeople

Add a comma

tradespeople,

show examples

they are exactly 9 times more than females which is the job that they are most enrolled in.

Furthermore

, the occupation that they worked the least is labourers where the females are slightly lower than them.

Moreover

manager

Add an article

the manager

a manager

show examples

is occupied by women 3 times lower than

men

Subsequently

, professionals almost have no difference in them, but the numbers of

men

are lower compared to females.

Finally

, semi-professionals are mostly occupied by

men

where

Correct word choice

whereas

show examples

women have a one-thrid decrease

than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Submitted by buyabuya201 on Wed Apr 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

157 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Employment figures
Sectors
Significant disparities
Gender balance
Skewed
Trends
Patterns
Dominant
Inferred
Labor market
Year-on-year comparison
Insights
Implications

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, people's lifestyle changes have a tremendous unfavourable impact on trees and animals. Some groups of people believe that it is impossible to do anything now, whereas others state that still we have enough time to save the environment by making robust plans.
5.5
band
Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It’s true that animal experimentation has been overwhelmingly used to promote human medical and technology development. While I accept it is unfair treatment to experimenting animals, I would support a limited amount of experimentation instead of sheer volume abuse.
8.5
band
Some people think the government should subsidise fruit and vegetables to make healthy food more affordable. Others argue that the government should tax unhealthy food instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Health issues arising from consuming excessive amounts of junk food are a cause of great concern in many countries. There are calls for governments to either reduce the prices of healthy foods through subsidies or to raise the costs of unhealthy products through taxation. In my opinion, a combination of the two is the best way forward.
4.5
band
Distance learning is becoming a trend in many parts of the world. Write an essay of 250 words to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this way of learning
With the increasing developments in technology, online learning has been applied in various institutions and gained its popularity worldwide. While this phenomenon is rich in knowledge and flexibility for students, it seems to be lack of fundamental educational qualities.
5.5
band
Many people work from home using modern technology today. Some people think that only the workers benefit from this and not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?
Working remotely is a new method that many people will derive a benefit from it. Both employers and employees will profit. Fortunately after Corona virus, many businesses decided to reduce costs and try to create an envaironment for their workers to work from home.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Distance learning is becoming a trend in many parts of the world. Write an essay of 250 words to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this way of learning

Many people work from home using modern technology today. Some people think that only the workers benefit from this and not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?