IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
Experimentation
Use synonyms
 is part of innovation. There are those who believe that
experimentation
Use synonyms
 on
animals
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not good and ought to
be fines
Change the verb form
be fined
show examples
 by law
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
experimentation
Use synonyms
 on
animals
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial in
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 development. In my opinion, It is vital to
use
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 as
Correct article usage
an expirement
show examples
expirement
Correct your spelling
experiment
 for the benefit of science for
humankind
Use synonyms
 but with
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 to do
experimentation
Use synonyms
 on
animals
Use synonyms
 than
humans
Change preposition
on humans
show examples
 because there many different
species
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 and sizes to
chose
Change the form of the verb
choose
show examples
 from.
For example
Linking Words
, from the small lab rat to
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 chimpanzee. These are important in making discoveries for the future of
humankind
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, these should be
doing
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
 in limitation and
in humane
Correct your spelling
inhumane
show examples
 as much as possible to prevent
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
 of certain
species
Use synonyms
 of
animals
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, almost
Use synonyms
animals
Correct determiner usage
all animals
show examples
 have the same vital organs
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 mankind, so it is really helpful to utilize
animals
Use synonyms
 in
experimentation
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.
For instance
Linking Words
 the chimpanzees, these
creature
Change the determiner
creatures
show examples
 have been known to have more intelligent than other
animals
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.
This
Linking Words
 way helps
Add an article
the scientist
show examples
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 to study psychology much better in order to aid
humankind
Use synonyms
self destruction
Add a hyphen
self-destruction
show examples
 and develop
Add an article
a self
show examples
self evaluation
Add a hyphen
self-evaluation
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
Lastly
Linking Words
, it is not bad to
use
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 in
experimentation
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 as long as it will not cause harm to all kinds of animal
species
Use synonyms
For example
Linking Words
, there are
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 for
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 innovation,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 utilize
animals
Use synonyms
 first for the drugs they create before
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The
animals
Use synonyms
 they
use
Use synonyms
 should be
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one
species
Use synonyms
 in order not to spread
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 disease of
somekind
Correct your spelling
some kind
.
Conclusion
In summary, the
use
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 in
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 development is still important because these
animals
Use synonyms
 help
humankind
Use synonyms
 sustain.

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Structure
Great job in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in making your argument structured and easy to follow.
Examples
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While you mentioned some general examples, more detailed instances would make your points more convincing.
Grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct small grammar and spelling errors. While these are minor, they can distract from your message.
Depth
Consider exploring alternative viewpoints or solutions to show a balanced understanding of the topic. This could enrich your discussion and demonstrate a broader perspective.
Organization
You effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which aids in the essay's coherence and cohesion.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, contributing to a strong framework for your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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