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Band 5.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
Although
 it is common
that
Correct word choice
for
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students
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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 at home during their studies with their parents, others choose to study at
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 abroad. In my opinion,
i
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I
show examples
 consider that
stuyding
Correct your spelling
studying
 abroad
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 with several benefits more than its drawbacks.
Depsite
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Despite
 the drawbacks below,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that studying far away from home is a plus
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
point for
students
's future.
Firstly
,
students
 can get different skills during their years of
studuying
Correct your spelling
studying
 abroad.
That is
 to say, when
students
 live
aborad
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 they will do every task by
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them face different kinds of problems or they will need to
contect
Correct your spelling
contact
connect
 different people in their daily tasks,
hence
,
students
 will get some important skills
such
 as communication and dealing with different issues.
In addition
,
students
 who
living
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live
show examples
 abroad devote more time to study because they are free to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
study far away from their family tasks.
On the other hand
, there are some negative effects of studying abroad, First of all, living far away from home can
effects
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 student's psychological state, if,
for example
, they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a problem they may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not get support or find someone to stand with them,
therefore
, they will face their
difficultes
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 alone.
Moreover
, they may
sffuer
Correct your spelling
suffer
offer
 from
loneiless
Correct your spelling
loneliness
.
In other words
,
students
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 abroad do not spend time with their families
,
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apply
show examples
 and do not have relationships as much as in their hometown which may make them feel lonely.
To sum up
, living abroad can give
students
 more skills in their life
as well as
 more
focusing
Replace the word
focus
show examples
 on their university, which clearly can give several advantages in a lot of fields to nations in the
furute
Correct your spelling
future
.
Submitted by Lorennzz08 on

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Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully with a wider range of examples and evidence to support your points. While you have given some explanations and examples, adding more detail can help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
General
Consider revisiting grammar and punctuation for better clarity and precision. The essay contains some grammatical errors and punctuation misuse which could potentially distract the reader. Practicing grammar and punctuation would prove beneficial.
General
Enhance your essay by varying your sentence structures and using a wider vocabulary. This will not only make your essay more interesting to read but also demonstrate your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear position throughout the essay, effectively outlining your view on the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good job maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay, with well-organized paragraphs and a clear progression of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
You provided a solid conclusion that effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your position on studying abroad.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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