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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the stages in the recycling of aluminium drinks cans.

The diagram below shows the stages in the recycling of aluminium drinks cans.
#stages #aluminium #drinks #cans
The process diagram displays the steps in the recycling of
aluminium
 drinking bottles.
Overall
, there are 3 stages
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
collecting, recycling and
aluminium
 recycling,
only
Correct word choice
and only
show examples
 1
resourse
Correct your spelling
resource
resources
 like
aluminium
 drinking
cans
. And one facility, which involves processes like melting, making new
aluminium
,
aluminium
 roll and making
a new
Correct the article-noun agreement
new cans
a new can
show examples
cans
. The stages of recycling
begun
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
, with collecting these
aluminium
cans
. These collected
cans
 are reported to the special recycling centre by the special reporting van.
Then
, in the recycling centre
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 old
aluminium
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 melted down and
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
prepared to make
a new
Correct the article-noun agreement
new cans
a new can
show examples
cans
. After old
aluminium
 was melted down we have a new
aluminium
.
Aluminium
Correct article usage
The aluminium
show examples
 roll is made from new
aluminium
. New
cans
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special
aluminium
 roll. And after all that process, we have new
aluminium
cans
 ready to use.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words aluminium, cans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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